The crazy thing about the human brain is that it needs constant prompting to retain memory. If you avoid math for a couple months and then you sit back down to do a problem, it's twice as difficult as it was previously. You stop calling an old friend, and then you slowly forget why you loved them so much in the first place. First the details dissipate, and then the emotions dull. Eventually a vivid and life-changing experience becomes just another memory, like a dusty forgotten oil painting in the basement closet.
For six months I've been desperately fighting dusty-oil-painting syndrome, and I've actively tried to remember things about my other half while he's on his mission in Brazil. Things like the way his voice sounds when he's concerned, his grin, the wrinkles 'round his eyes, the placement of his freckles; all those romantic little -isms that makes Ben uniquely himself. Why is this relevant? Well on Christmas day I got the best present of all. For a glorious hour, I got to Skype with him and his family. (In his exact words, "I'll be home for Christmas, if only on a screen.")
It was the weirdest thing! Because the moment I saw his (handsome) face, as soon as I heard his voice, it was as familiar as ever. It was like he hadn't even left, because I perfectly remembered everything about him in an instant, and it came like a flood of total affection for him. When he laughed about something his sister said, it was.. I don't even know how to describe it! Perfectly, exactly how it was. I remembered the exact cadence of his laugh. Every little thing about Ben, it all came back to me. It was amazing, truly. It felt completely and totally natural, like getting back in the old swing of things.
I say this because I've learned quite a bit about the nature of God the Father from this experience. As a Latter-day Saint of the Church of Jesus Christ, I know that we lived before this earth as spirits, with Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, Jesus Christ, and our other spirit brothers and sisters. When we came to Earth as babies, we were given a veil of forgetfulness so we would forget our pre-earth life. We believe that someday, we will have the veil lifted and we will all be able to remember who we were before, and recognize God for who He really is- our Father.
I feel that if we were to see God today, we would recognize Him. We would remember perfectly all our interactions with Him from our pre-mortal life. Without hesitation, we would embrace Him as we remember every loving moment or time of instruction we had with Him before. We would never want to leave His side as we realized with full understanding how much we really loved and missed this man. Just as I recognized Ben in a heartbeat, we would also recognize our Father. Just as being with Ben was comforting and filled a hole in my heart, so also would a moment with our Father in Heaven comfort us and remind us of who we are. We would remember inside jokes, we would remember hard decisions, and we would remember His guiding hand that had always been present. We would suddenly understand why we experiencing the difficulties of life. We would be filled with a fullness of love and a sense of direction. The current prophet of our church, President Thomas S. Monson gives this truth, "I am certain we left our Father with an overwhelming desire to return to Him, that we might gain the exaltation He planned for us and which we ourselves so much wanted."
But just because we have the veil and do not remember presently our relationship with God the Father, it does not mean that He has forgotten His relationship with us. President Monson continues, "He did not send us here without direction and guidance. Rather, He has given us the tools we need and he will assist us as we seek His help." (Ponder the Path of Thy Feet, Nov. 2014 Ensign) Just as Ben continually sends me letters of encouragement and expresses his love for me each week in email, our Father also sends us messages of hope, love, and peace through the scriptures, inspired leaders, and the Holy Spirit. He will never leave us alone. He will never leave us comfortless. He loves you with a mighty love.
So we see that the Lord has an awesome way of teaching me truth through trial. This mission is honestly the best decision we could have made. I'm grateful for such a guy in my life; he builds me up and offers his complete and honest love. I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost that is able to teach me all of these truths in a way that is much simpler than me explaining it in a blog. I hope everyone could follow all that. God loves us. That's enough, if just for today. :)
The reference to the title can be found here. (v. 41)
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Saturday, December 20, 2014
A Leap of Faith
Today I woke up and I thought I knew what I was doing with my life.
Within thirty minutes of eating breakfast, I was in major crisis mode.
Five minutes later, I had no idea what path my life would take.
And an hour after that, I was right back on track. New life plan. Modified life plan.
I'm imagining that someone will come up to me one day and ask me to lead a crash course for young people making life-changing decisions. The first principle I'm going to make them aware of is the 3 Second Make-It-Or-Break-It Big Bang Choice-eroo.
Take it like this. Say you're planning on staying a summer semester at school and suddenly you realize that you can take all your courses online and live at home and potentially save thousands of dollars for the price of living at home for a few extra months. What should you do first? Obviously a very big decision sits in front of you, with money and education and your mental health on the line! How do you make such a decision?
Now it's probably wise to write out the pros and cons. Then you should think seriously about how the choices will affect you in the future, and contrast that outcome with where you really want to be headed. Then you should consult your mother. ALWAYS consult your mother before changing your life. You should wrap all of this up with a good prayer. ALWAYS consult the Lord before changing your life.
Ultimately all your preparation and pondering will come down to three solitary seconds. That is when you make up your mind based off all the knowledge you have, and you make a big choice. It's that moment Harry decided to confront Voldemort alone. It's the moment Hiccup reached to touch Toothless. It's the moment when Rapunzel jumped from her tower to an unknown world. It's the moment Nephi decided that heck yes, he was going to build that boat. It's terrifying, yes. It's a horrible, gut-wrenching, second-guessing feeling. You have no idea what the outcome will be, or whether it was right or wrong or good or not good or genius or ludicrous. BUT! You follow through. You press through all that self-doubt and make that choice.
And then you take a little breather and realize that you just started another chapter in your book.
We recognize that this flawed, uncomfortable style of decision making happens often as you grow. A wise woman offered this advice: "You can change the entire course of your life in one day." If that isn't pressure I don't know what is. After mulling it over all day, I've deduced that two probing questions come from understanding this concept, the first being: if you could change your life in one day, what would you do? Quickly following that: what are you doing with yourself today that will change the future?
Confession: I'm awful at this. I'm just trying to figure it out. How do I make things better today? How can I be brave today? How can I change the world today? It's all overwhelming. I'll let you know when I find a good solution. All I know for now, is that I pray, ask God to guide my feet, and take another step into the dark. So far so good right? That's enough, if just for today.
The reference to the title can be found here. Make your own inferences.
Within thirty minutes of eating breakfast, I was in major crisis mode.
Five minutes later, I had no idea what path my life would take.
And an hour after that, I was right back on track. New life plan. Modified life plan.
I'm imagining that someone will come up to me one day and ask me to lead a crash course for young people making life-changing decisions. The first principle I'm going to make them aware of is the 3 Second Make-It-Or-Break-It Big Bang Choice-eroo.
Take it like this. Say you're planning on staying a summer semester at school and suddenly you realize that you can take all your courses online and live at home and potentially save thousands of dollars for the price of living at home for a few extra months. What should you do first? Obviously a very big decision sits in front of you, with money and education and your mental health on the line! How do you make such a decision?
Now it's probably wise to write out the pros and cons. Then you should think seriously about how the choices will affect you in the future, and contrast that outcome with where you really want to be headed. Then you should consult your mother. ALWAYS consult your mother before changing your life. You should wrap all of this up with a good prayer. ALWAYS consult the Lord before changing your life.
Ultimately all your preparation and pondering will come down to three solitary seconds. That is when you make up your mind based off all the knowledge you have, and you make a big choice. It's that moment Harry decided to confront Voldemort alone. It's the moment Hiccup reached to touch Toothless. It's the moment when Rapunzel jumped from her tower to an unknown world. It's the moment Nephi decided that heck yes, he was going to build that boat. It's terrifying, yes. It's a horrible, gut-wrenching, second-guessing feeling. You have no idea what the outcome will be, or whether it was right or wrong or good or not good or genius or ludicrous. BUT! You follow through. You press through all that self-doubt and make that choice.
And then you take a little breather and realize that you just started another chapter in your book.
We recognize that this flawed, uncomfortable style of decision making happens often as you grow. A wise woman offered this advice: "You can change the entire course of your life in one day." If that isn't pressure I don't know what is. After mulling it over all day, I've deduced that two probing questions come from understanding this concept, the first being: if you could change your life in one day, what would you do? Quickly following that: what are you doing with yourself today that will change the future?
Confession: I'm awful at this. I'm just trying to figure it out. How do I make things better today? How can I be brave today? How can I change the world today? It's all overwhelming. I'll let you know when I find a good solution. All I know for now, is that I pray, ask God to guide my feet, and take another step into the dark. So far so good right? That's enough, if just for today.
The reference to the title can be found here. Make your own inferences.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Do You Remember The Shire, Mr. Frodo?
"Kaitlin, do you wanna play?"
I laughed and scoffed. "Heavens no. I suck at this game, you guys know that! I'm going to lose!"
"Who cares?"
"Just play!"
"Don't make fun of me, alright?"
"We would never make fun."
"Never. Ever. Ever."
"Shut up! Liars!" Despite their claims to innocence, we all knew they would make fun when I ended up in twelfth place. They coaxed me into it anyhow- by some mix of charm and pure peer pressure- and toss me a controller, and I'd pick Peach like I always do. If you're going to be the only girl in a group of guys, you might as well choose the most feminine MarioKart racer there is.
Inevitably I would drive off the track, and they would tease me, and I would bully them right back. I would end up in last place after 6 races and then like a lightswitch their harassing would change its tune. Caught up in the game, they yelled advice and encouragement, and offered consoling words when I lost. Eventually I would give up, and snuggle into Ben's embrace and hand off my controller to someone who could do a better job than I did.
"Good job, Kaitlin!"
"You got eleventh that time! Could be worse!"
"You only drove off the course twice!!! That's a record!"
Safe in Ben's arms, I could watch the rest of the gaming like an old football fan watches the NFL, or like Statler and Waldorf watch the Muppets: an interesting mix of excessive support and rude commentary. Inside jokes were tossed around like candy, candy was passed around like gossip, and gossip didn't exist. We were happy. We partied hardcore. We were probably the biggest losers in the school. But nothing mattered, and these guys were my life preserver in the sea of seventeen-year-old life.
It's nights like tonight, when part of me wants to be with those guys watching the premiere of the Hobbit, that I feel a deep sense of loss. I don't even know the price I would pay to relive one of those stupid nights when nothing happened, and time stood still.
Still I know that the work they are doing now has much more valuable rewards than getting on the podium after three races. Eternal life, the joy of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, life lessons, selfless service and a strengthened belief in God's love are blessings awaiting my boys now. I, myself, am involved in worthy pursuits. I'm proud of them. Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't change a thing! There is no better place than Mexico or Brazil or Thailand or even Arizona. Still that selfish part of me wants them to be home when I knock, so we can head to the basement for a sucky movie and a good chat. Part of me just aches, and its an ache without salve or solution. It just is.
I love them so much.
The reference from the title can be found
here.
Make your own inferences.
I laughed and scoffed. "Heavens no. I suck at this game, you guys know that! I'm going to lose!"
"Who cares?"
"Just play!"
"Don't make fun of me, alright?"
"We would never make fun."
"Never. Ever. Ever."
"Shut up! Liars!" Despite their claims to innocence, we all knew they would make fun when I ended up in twelfth place. They coaxed me into it anyhow- by some mix of charm and pure peer pressure- and toss me a controller, and I'd pick Peach like I always do. If you're going to be the only girl in a group of guys, you might as well choose the most feminine MarioKart racer there is.
Inevitably I would drive off the track, and they would tease me, and I would bully them right back. I would end up in last place after 6 races and then like a lightswitch their harassing would change its tune. Caught up in the game, they yelled advice and encouragement, and offered consoling words when I lost. Eventually I would give up, and snuggle into Ben's embrace and hand off my controller to someone who could do a better job than I did.
"Good job, Kaitlin!"
"You got eleventh that time! Could be worse!"
"You only drove off the course twice!!! That's a record!"
Safe in Ben's arms, I could watch the rest of the gaming like an old football fan watches the NFL, or like Statler and Waldorf watch the Muppets: an interesting mix of excessive support and rude commentary. Inside jokes were tossed around like candy, candy was passed around like gossip, and gossip didn't exist. We were happy. We partied hardcore. We were probably the biggest losers in the school. But nothing mattered, and these guys were my life preserver in the sea of seventeen-year-old life.
It's nights like tonight, when part of me wants to be with those guys watching the premiere of the Hobbit, that I feel a deep sense of loss. I don't even know the price I would pay to relive one of those stupid nights when nothing happened, and time stood still.
Still I know that the work they are doing now has much more valuable rewards than getting on the podium after three races. Eternal life, the joy of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, life lessons, selfless service and a strengthened belief in God's love are blessings awaiting my boys now. I, myself, am involved in worthy pursuits. I'm proud of them. Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't change a thing! There is no better place than Mexico or Brazil or Thailand or even Arizona. Still that selfish part of me wants them to be home when I knock, so we can head to the basement for a sucky movie and a good chat. Part of me just aches, and its an ache without salve or solution. It just is.
I love them so much.
The reference from the title can be found
here.
Make your own inferences.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Happy Anniversary
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| Temple Square Round 1: 2012 |
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| Temple Square Round 2: 2013 |
. But it's for these reasons that Ben is my best friend; I love everything about the guy. He's brave, he's sincere, and gentle and human and caring. He's humble and quick to forgive. He lights up when kids are in the room. He is patient, hopeful, and hard-working. I have learned so much from him. He has truly taught me what selfless love is.
Here we are, December 2014, and two years ago I never imagined what would happen in the coming months. Ben's on a different continent, courageously serving our Lord and the good people of Brazil. I'm at Snow College, pretending like I know what it's like to be an adult. We've left behind kisses by the reflection pool on Temple Square, "spiritually hot" jokes, and constant texting. In fact, I haven't heard his voice in six months. Heck, he doesn't even speak English anymore! Ridiculous! It has been one heck of a roller-coaster. The craziest part: I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Regardless of what the future brings, Ben influenced who I am. In fact, he's helped me be better than I could be on my own. I think our relationship was one of the best decisions I fell into. So here's to three years of friendship, one year of dating, six months of a mission, and a whole lifetime of adventures ahead of us.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Made With Love
Right now, the kitchen is bustling with roommates selflessly giving of their substance and their talents to make a good dinner. Stirring pasta sauce, boiling water, making desserts and vegetables,they are laughing and talking as they work together. Christmas stockings line the walls. Paper snowflakes adorn the ceiling. Everyone is wearing red and green- a mix of pajamas, church clothes, and DI finds. There's something magical about this scene.
I don't know whether its the selfless service of the girls involved, or the sparkle of the Christmas season that fills my heart with happiness as I watch. Maybe it is the real, deep love I have for these ladies. They have become so much more than roommates. They have become sisters, my confidantes and my best friends. We have struggled through growing pains and accidents, but we have changed for the better, and it has cultivated a bright love and trust between us.
We agree that Apartment One was divinely orchestrated. We know that we needed to be here, in this five-room space. We needed to laugh over the creaking floors, the unwashed oven, the always-in-need-of-sweeping tile. We needed to be together. Each girl contributes a unique quality, a certain vibrancy that collectively affects us. I have learned so much from each individual beauty here. In a weird way, this has become a sacred place for me, with these girls as my angels. They have truly changed me for the better.
Though the road to perfection stretches far in front of us, it can't be denied that this experience has been part of God's infinite Plan. I have never loved people the way I love the members of Apartment One, and I'm grateful for the tender mercies that He has given me, sometimes through the mask of trial. They are God's beautiful daughters. He loves them, just as I do. I can never thank Him enough for His gift of their company. And also grateful that there's another semester of fun ahead of us.
I don't know whether its the selfless service of the girls involved, or the sparkle of the Christmas season that fills my heart with happiness as I watch. Maybe it is the real, deep love I have for these ladies. They have become so much more than roommates. They have become sisters, my confidantes and my best friends. We have struggled through growing pains and accidents, but we have changed for the better, and it has cultivated a bright love and trust between us.
We agree that Apartment One was divinely orchestrated. We know that we needed to be here, in this five-room space. We needed to laugh over the creaking floors, the unwashed oven, the always-in-need-of-sweeping tile. We needed to be together. Each girl contributes a unique quality, a certain vibrancy that collectively affects us. I have learned so much from each individual beauty here. In a weird way, this has become a sacred place for me, with these girls as my angels. They have truly changed me for the better.
Though the road to perfection stretches far in front of us, it can't be denied that this experience has been part of God's infinite Plan. I have never loved people the way I love the members of Apartment One, and I'm grateful for the tender mercies that He has given me, sometimes through the mask of trial. They are God's beautiful daughters. He loves them, just as I do. I can never thank Him enough for His gift of their company. And also grateful that there's another semester of fun ahead of us.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Time is a Fickle Thing
When I was in high school, all those many very few months ago, I was completely convinced that time was constant. I woke up to an alarm clock at 6:30, push the snooze until 7am precisely, rush out the door and end up always on time. I would spend the day watching the synchronized clocks in every classroom, leave when the bell rang on the minute, and get home at exactly the same time every day. Everything seemed far away, and time seemed like it aged at a regular pace.
I'm not exactly sure what happened to me in the less than six months I've been at college, but I can tell you one of the most annoying things is when something you thought was steady and reliable ends up stabbing you in the back. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Suddenly time has stolen away hours, and shortened minutes, until Friday is the day after Monday and Saturday lasts for three hours, tops. I'll eat breakfast and then imagine my surprise when Time, in his sneaky way, has changed 9am to 3 in the afternoon behind my back.
Yesterday I moved away from home. A couple of hours ago I met my roommates. Maybe five minutes ago I was sitting in the testing center for midterms. And here we are, 62 minutes precisely from when I will be at home for Christmas, and everything that was temporarily stable will be gone again. I'm not complaining really. The weeks are much more enjoyable when you know that if you blink they'll be over. It makes it easy to forget about all the little mistakes I make. But I can't help but feel a little cheated! Because I know that before I can realize it, Snow College will be a little blip in my past, and the whole world will flip on its side for the millionth time, and then I'll have to start from scratch over again. Everything that I love about this place- the big trees, the uneven sidewalk, the comfortable couch, the girls that by divine design are living in my apartment- will all go away. They won't exist anymore, and this little tender mercy time of life won't exist anymore, and it will never exist again. So I can't help but feel a little ripped off, that now Time has decided to finally speed things up. Really? Yah couldn't have sped up through endless hours of boring high school classes?
It's a little frightening too. Because after I graduated- the milestone I never thought I would actually reach, it was so far away- everything else is a whole lot closer. The mission is a couple months away. Marriage, children, 30's, 40's, grandparents, and then it's all over! I am so imperfect, and this life is given to us as "a time to prepare to meet God," right? (Alma 12:24) Here's the thing. If time goes by so quickly, how am I supposed to iron out all the wrinkles in my personality so I can prepare to meet God in my Sunday best? I don't feel like I have the time to prepare myself for anything, not a college degree, not a mission, not marriage, certainly not raising God's other children! I quote that overplayed commercial with gusto when I say, "Life comes at you fast."
It's beautiful though. It's comforting to know that things do change, that there's a bright future ahead in this life and the future lives to come. It's comforting to know that it's already been six months since my best friends started leaving on their missions, and I'm grateful to see that I've already accomplished quite a bit since leaving home. It's an incredible feeling to look back at where you were, 2 months, 2 years ago, and then compare it to the person God made you into today. Imagine what He can make in a lifetime.
On a less serious note, time cheating out on its job means that Mondays come even sooner, and then I get to catch up with my lovely best friends, and especially my other half. :) God is merciful. That's enough, if just for today.
I'm not exactly sure what happened to me in the less than six months I've been at college, but I can tell you one of the most annoying things is when something you thought was steady and reliable ends up stabbing you in the back. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Suddenly time has stolen away hours, and shortened minutes, until Friday is the day after Monday and Saturday lasts for three hours, tops. I'll eat breakfast and then imagine my surprise when Time, in his sneaky way, has changed 9am to 3 in the afternoon behind my back.
Yesterday I moved away from home. A couple of hours ago I met my roommates. Maybe five minutes ago I was sitting in the testing center for midterms. And here we are, 62 minutes precisely from when I will be at home for Christmas, and everything that was temporarily stable will be gone again. I'm not complaining really. The weeks are much more enjoyable when you know that if you blink they'll be over. It makes it easy to forget about all the little mistakes I make. But I can't help but feel a little cheated! Because I know that before I can realize it, Snow College will be a little blip in my past, and the whole world will flip on its side for the millionth time, and then I'll have to start from scratch over again. Everything that I love about this place- the big trees, the uneven sidewalk, the comfortable couch, the girls that by divine design are living in my apartment- will all go away. They won't exist anymore, and this little tender mercy time of life won't exist anymore, and it will never exist again. So I can't help but feel a little ripped off, that now Time has decided to finally speed things up. Really? Yah couldn't have sped up through endless hours of boring high school classes?
It's a little frightening too. Because after I graduated- the milestone I never thought I would actually reach, it was so far away- everything else is a whole lot closer. The mission is a couple months away. Marriage, children, 30's, 40's, grandparents, and then it's all over! I am so imperfect, and this life is given to us as "a time to prepare to meet God," right? (Alma 12:24) Here's the thing. If time goes by so quickly, how am I supposed to iron out all the wrinkles in my personality so I can prepare to meet God in my Sunday best? I don't feel like I have the time to prepare myself for anything, not a college degree, not a mission, not marriage, certainly not raising God's other children! I quote that overplayed commercial with gusto when I say, "Life comes at you fast."
It's beautiful though. It's comforting to know that things do change, that there's a bright future ahead in this life and the future lives to come. It's comforting to know that it's already been six months since my best friends started leaving on their missions, and I'm grateful to see that I've already accomplished quite a bit since leaving home. It's an incredible feeling to look back at where you were, 2 months, 2 years ago, and then compare it to the person God made you into today. Imagine what He can make in a lifetime.
On a less serious note, time cheating out on its job means that Mondays come even sooner, and then I get to catch up with my lovely best friends, and especially my other half. :) God is merciful. That's enough, if just for today.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
The Lord's Table
Hello blog people! It's been forever and a day! Happy Sabbath!
Wow.. Lately has been totally crazy!! There have been so many things swirling around in my head! But today I wanted to share a special little thing that happened to me.
Today I got the great opportunity of going to my Institute teacher's house! Brother B invited Katrina and her friend Ashley, and me and some other girls got to tag along to go eat Sunday dinner, out of the goodness of his heart I guess. So at five thirty we braved the cold to his sweet little home. It was quite lovely, really. Their home was soft and quiet and the table was overflowing with food. Really, it was like Thanksgiving, I kid you not. And all for free, without any payment of money or familial ties. I really felt that I was sitting at the Lord's table, laid out with manna, honey and milk that didn't cost a cent on my behalf. It taught me a lot about the ways of Heaven. Jesus Christ has paid the price to set our table, and all we have to do is gain the strength or the courage or the faith to partake. There's no fine print or secret contract. There's no payment plan or extra fees. Everything on the table is guaranteed free.
Jesus Christ invites us not just once a Sunday, but every day, all the time, to come eat dinner with His holy family. He invites us to learn our Spiritual manners, to learn how to ask for help or to learn to pass the peas. He doesn't scoff when we spill a little on the table. Rather He extends His holy hand with a white napkin to blot out our mistakes from the tablecloth. The Lord doesn't care if you dressed up for Sunday dinner or whether you're there in your pajamas. He doesn't care if you are well-versed in the use of a salad fork. The Lord cares that you accepted His invitation to come, feast, feel of His love. He is going to give you enough food to fill your stomach and enough to take home for leftovers. You'll never be lacking good food or good company. He perfectly cares for every need and more. He is full of grace and truth and infinite love for those who have chosen to attend the meal He made, all on His own.
So come to the table! Feast. You'll never be able to repay the debt. But His love will surround you, His peace accompany you, His guidance light your way. Your stomach will be filled, and you will hunger no more. His rest will be yours as you follow Him in faith, and that is enough for me, if just for today.
Enjoy your Sunday!
Wow.. Lately has been totally crazy!! There have been so many things swirling around in my head! But today I wanted to share a special little thing that happened to me.
Today I got the great opportunity of going to my Institute teacher's house! Brother B invited Katrina and her friend Ashley, and me and some other girls got to tag along to go eat Sunday dinner, out of the goodness of his heart I guess. So at five thirty we braved the cold to his sweet little home. It was quite lovely, really. Their home was soft and quiet and the table was overflowing with food. Really, it was like Thanksgiving, I kid you not. And all for free, without any payment of money or familial ties. I really felt that I was sitting at the Lord's table, laid out with manna, honey and milk that didn't cost a cent on my behalf. It taught me a lot about the ways of Heaven. Jesus Christ has paid the price to set our table, and all we have to do is gain the strength or the courage or the faith to partake. There's no fine print or secret contract. There's no payment plan or extra fees. Everything on the table is guaranteed free.
Jesus Christ invites us not just once a Sunday, but every day, all the time, to come eat dinner with His holy family. He invites us to learn our Spiritual manners, to learn how to ask for help or to learn to pass the peas. He doesn't scoff when we spill a little on the table. Rather He extends His holy hand with a white napkin to blot out our mistakes from the tablecloth. The Lord doesn't care if you dressed up for Sunday dinner or whether you're there in your pajamas. He doesn't care if you are well-versed in the use of a salad fork. The Lord cares that you accepted His invitation to come, feast, feel of His love. He is going to give you enough food to fill your stomach and enough to take home for leftovers. You'll never be lacking good food or good company. He perfectly cares for every need and more. He is full of grace and truth and infinite love for those who have chosen to attend the meal He made, all on His own.
So come to the table! Feast. You'll never be able to repay the debt. But His love will surround you, His peace accompany you, His guidance light your way. Your stomach will be filled, and you will hunger no more. His rest will be yours as you follow Him in faith, and that is enough for me, if just for today.
Enjoy your Sunday!
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Pancake Day
Today is a lovely fast Sunday! Even though my tummy was grumbly, my Spirit was totally full! It just brought new meaning to the phrase, "my soul hungered" for the word of the Lord! There were so many people who were prepared to bear testimony of the truths of the gospel! I love Sunday so much!
Today was kind of noteworthy because Gavin came over and made us pancakes by himself! Ha! We all contributed a little bit and got it all made and cleaned real quick! It was way good but he fried them all in oil so we're trying not to count calories! We are probably going to watch Frozen later, but for now we are chilling out on our filthy couches and eating candy that we don't need.
I AM SO EXCITED FOR TOMORROW because Ben and Daniel and Wes and Noah are all going to email me and I NEED emails! This week has been so hard missing Ben! I can't wait to talk to him again! Also I love my Monday classes. So with a full stomach, a full Spirit, and my good friends all around, I am really enjoying myself today. The Lord is so good to me.
I am grateful that the Lord always hears me, always upholds me, and always answers my pleas. Sometimes I doubt, but He always blesses me to the point where I can't even remember what I could complain about! Jesus suffered my pains so that He would know in His infinite mercy how to succor me. He is my strength and I love him!
So it's a good day!!!
Today was kind of noteworthy because Gavin came over and made us pancakes by himself! Ha! We all contributed a little bit and got it all made and cleaned real quick! It was way good but he fried them all in oil so we're trying not to count calories! We are probably going to watch Frozen later, but for now we are chilling out on our filthy couches and eating candy that we don't need.
I AM SO EXCITED FOR TOMORROW because Ben and Daniel and Wes and Noah are all going to email me and I NEED emails! This week has been so hard missing Ben! I can't wait to talk to him again! Also I love my Monday classes. So with a full stomach, a full Spirit, and my good friends all around, I am really enjoying myself today. The Lord is so good to me.
I am grateful that the Lord always hears me, always upholds me, and always answers my pleas. Sometimes I doubt, but He always blesses me to the point where I can't even remember what I could complain about! Jesus suffered my pains so that He would know in His infinite mercy how to succor me. He is my strength and I love him!
So it's a good day!!!
Saturday, September 6, 2014
An Update on My Life
As usual on the college front, this week has held many ups and downs for me. I've noticed lately that the days seem unbelievably long, but then I look back at the weeks and time, always pliant, seems to make it short. I can't say I'm complaining, I like feeling like life is going by fast because that means I am progressing quickly, and if something doesn't go my way, the memory is quickly lost in my sea of life.
I guess a highlight of the week was Thursday night, when the Institute provided the campus with hotdogs, and somehow through the magic of college we ended up with two new (MALE!) friends to spend the evening with. We went to get snow-cremes. Getting snow-cremes is another one of those obscure, we-are-bored-as-heck Snow College culture things. Basically you pile a bunch of college students in a car in the middle of the night to drive into this tiny town called Springville, where there is a tiny cottage-like house. In the tiny cottage house, you order a little white foam cup full of a strange mixture of shaved flavored ice and soft serve icecream. If I lived in any other place or in any other time of life, I would be extremely cautious of such an outing, but considering there are few things to do here and as college students, we have nothing to lose, I went! It was fun!
Then we came back to the apartment and pretended to watch Wreck-It-Ralph, when in actuality we were enjoying awkward small talk, and worrying about what everybody else thought of us. I'm getting better and better at this whole college thing! So that was an adventure. The guys are supposed to come back Sunday night for pancakes, and I am sure that will be entertaining for me, at least.
The other highlight of the week being I got my first actual letter from Ben! It was postmarked "Agosto 6", and it ended up in my P.O. Box Sept. 5th. Jeez. It was much needed, and I was so happy to read it. Despite the rather belated news it brought, Ben made it worth my while by adding in pet names and "I love you"s. I miss him now more than ever but I'm grateful for the patch of sunshine it brought me. God is mindful of us, I know.
I guess a highlight of the week was Thursday night, when the Institute provided the campus with hotdogs, and somehow through the magic of college we ended up with two new (MALE!) friends to spend the evening with. We went to get snow-cremes. Getting snow-cremes is another one of those obscure, we-are-bored-as-heck Snow College culture things. Basically you pile a bunch of college students in a car in the middle of the night to drive into this tiny town called Springville, where there is a tiny cottage-like house. In the tiny cottage house, you order a little white foam cup full of a strange mixture of shaved flavored ice and soft serve icecream. If I lived in any other place or in any other time of life, I would be extremely cautious of such an outing, but considering there are few things to do here and as college students, we have nothing to lose, I went! It was fun!
Then we came back to the apartment and pretended to watch Wreck-It-Ralph, when in actuality we were enjoying awkward small talk, and worrying about what everybody else thought of us. I'm getting better and better at this whole college thing! So that was an adventure. The guys are supposed to come back Sunday night for pancakes, and I am sure that will be entertaining for me, at least.
The other highlight of the week being I got my first actual letter from Ben! It was postmarked "Agosto 6", and it ended up in my P.O. Box Sept. 5th. Jeez. It was much needed, and I was so happy to read it. Despite the rather belated news it brought, Ben made it worth my while by adding in pet names and "I love you"s. I miss him now more than ever but I'm grateful for the patch of sunshine it brought me. God is mindful of us, I know.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
The Olds and the News
Hello blog! It's been awhile. Life is a bit more busy when you're responsible for making all your own meals, ha!
Life has definitely been moving at the speed of light these past couple weeks, which honestly I'm kind of grateful for! I am busy with schoolwork, and class, and watching more chick flicks than I ever have in my life (thank you, roommates). Just trying to tread water in a new phase of life is difficult! This is the first time I've ever had to balance finance with schooling with money with social life with taking care of myself! I sometimes feel like I'm drowning, but for the majority of the time I'm having a blast.
To all the teachers in high school that swore that college classes were nothing like high school classes, yooo hooo! Yes they are! It's like high school for grownups! There is nothing I'm learning so far that has been extraordinarily difficult. Mostly class just requires a good work ethic! Here's the real truth: college classes are so fun!! My history class especially, and poetry, I really sincerely enjoy! I love going to class!
I love my roommates too! Most of the time. They are such sweethearts. I am amazed by how talented they all are. Every girl in my apartment is gifted and beautiful, but they all come from such different backgrounds. The fact that we get along is either a mercy from God, or a miracle of college, or both. They are teaching me so much, and I am grateful I get to live with some of my best friends.
Speaking of teaching. I can feel myself changing. It simultaneously scares me to death, and liberates me. Things I've never liked before, I sudden find joy in. Things I really used to love are becoming less important. I've discovered how much I really love baking, stupid as that sounds. I somehow like romance movies? I live for a well written, informative textbook. I have no shame in dancing like an idiot through the apartment. The humor I find in innuendos is slowly disappearing. I am more of a homebody. Doing the dishes doesn't bother me anymore. I can look back at my past and see these elements of myself were present, just not pronounced. It's been an interesting adventure; through all the change in my life, I am changing personally as well.
Yet, as always, there are some things that simply don't change. At the top of that list, of course, is the Savior and my love for Him. In math class, we were given words such as wealth, fame, love, education, family, etc. and were required to choose our top five priorities from the list. Then, slowly, we were required cross out four of the words, and find which word was of ultimate importance to us. I found myself staring at the word "faith". The teacher then asked us what we were doing in our lives everyday to reach that goal. The gospel doesn't change. Scripture study continues to structure my life. Prayer continues to be a source of great comfort. The Lord continues to forgive me, every time. God continues to bless and prosper me. Jesus Christ is truly my safe haven in such a tumultuous time of life. He is the rock upon which I, and all people "must build our foundation." (Helaman 5:12) I could not do what I am doing without His support, and His infinite love for me. I know that the Lord is carrying me in the palm of His mighty hand. I just trust Him, and it works out in the end, always.
Taylor is another one of those things that hasn't changed. He has been my loyal friend for three years and he is still a good, patient listener and friend of mine. Despite the fact that we have very little in common, shared experience allows us to trust each other. My mom is still the same wonderful, genius of a woman, who seems to always know what to do with perfect certainty. She still cares for me, even when I am a couple hours away. Ben keeps firm hold of my heart. He still is the primary focus of all my daydreams. I can't believe it's already been over a month since he left. I think of him every day.
Life isn't so bad. I trust in Him, and I know everything will be alright.
Life has definitely been moving at the speed of light these past couple weeks, which honestly I'm kind of grateful for! I am busy with schoolwork, and class, and watching more chick flicks than I ever have in my life (thank you, roommates). Just trying to tread water in a new phase of life is difficult! This is the first time I've ever had to balance finance with schooling with money with social life with taking care of myself! I sometimes feel like I'm drowning, but for the majority of the time I'm having a blast.
To all the teachers in high school that swore that college classes were nothing like high school classes, yooo hooo! Yes they are! It's like high school for grownups! There is nothing I'm learning so far that has been extraordinarily difficult. Mostly class just requires a good work ethic! Here's the real truth: college classes are so fun!! My history class especially, and poetry, I really sincerely enjoy! I love going to class!
I love my roommates too! Most of the time. They are such sweethearts. I am amazed by how talented they all are. Every girl in my apartment is gifted and beautiful, but they all come from such different backgrounds. The fact that we get along is either a mercy from God, or a miracle of college, or both. They are teaching me so much, and I am grateful I get to live with some of my best friends.
Speaking of teaching. I can feel myself changing. It simultaneously scares me to death, and liberates me. Things I've never liked before, I sudden find joy in. Things I really used to love are becoming less important. I've discovered how much I really love baking, stupid as that sounds. I somehow like romance movies? I live for a well written, informative textbook. I have no shame in dancing like an idiot through the apartment. The humor I find in innuendos is slowly disappearing. I am more of a homebody. Doing the dishes doesn't bother me anymore. I can look back at my past and see these elements of myself were present, just not pronounced. It's been an interesting adventure; through all the change in my life, I am changing personally as well.
Yet, as always, there are some things that simply don't change. At the top of that list, of course, is the Savior and my love for Him. In math class, we were given words such as wealth, fame, love, education, family, etc. and were required to choose our top five priorities from the list. Then, slowly, we were required cross out four of the words, and find which word was of ultimate importance to us. I found myself staring at the word "faith". The teacher then asked us what we were doing in our lives everyday to reach that goal. The gospel doesn't change. Scripture study continues to structure my life. Prayer continues to be a source of great comfort. The Lord continues to forgive me, every time. God continues to bless and prosper me. Jesus Christ is truly my safe haven in such a tumultuous time of life. He is the rock upon which I, and all people "must build our foundation." (Helaman 5:12) I could not do what I am doing without His support, and His infinite love for me. I know that the Lord is carrying me in the palm of His mighty hand. I just trust Him, and it works out in the end, always.
Taylor is another one of those things that hasn't changed. He has been my loyal friend for three years and he is still a good, patient listener and friend of mine. Despite the fact that we have very little in common, shared experience allows us to trust each other. My mom is still the same wonderful, genius of a woman, who seems to always know what to do with perfect certainty. She still cares for me, even when I am a couple hours away. Ben keeps firm hold of my heart. He still is the primary focus of all my daydreams. I can't believe it's already been over a month since he left. I think of him every day.
Life isn't so bad. I trust in Him, and I know everything will be alright.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Surprisingly Less Horrible Than Originally Thought
SO! College! We'll see how things are when class actually starts, but as for now, I'm really liking it here! My apartment is warm and cozy and full of very friendly flies! I've eaten free meals everyday for the past four days! I've watched quite a bit of tv and movies!
My roommates are wonderful!!! I love them. I love that we are all so incredibly different, with different skill sets and backgrounds, but that somehow all of that melts away and we've become fast friends. We already have a myriad of inside jokes, including but not limited to: fat & sassy Spock, the snap dance, the Princess and the Pauper, and fighting wind gusts. As you can probably deduce, we have already had many adventures in our first four/five days here! It's been a rock-rolling good time.
I failed a test today but I tried to stay positive and focus on the blessings that can come from it. It does add quite a bit of weight to my already very-extremely-stressed-out mindset, but it's all good hearty learning experiences. I'm also discovering that my cooking skills, and more particularly my motivation to exercise my cooking skills, is greatly lacking. I'm mildly concerned about my work ethic, my insufficient funds, and my ability to succeed with so many demanding classes. But! Through all of this, I know that the Lord is aware of me, and is blessing me greatly. I love the Lord more and more every day. He truly carries me. When I feel like my vision is clouded or the burden is just too much, I can pray to Him and know that He knows all things, and can provide the comfort and the spiritual hug that I honestly really need. I am always in sincere need of a good hug. Ever since Ben left, gorgamous guy.
Tomorrow is email day! And there's nothing I could possibly need or want more than a wonderful, comforting, beautiful email from the love of my life. I worry about him alllll the time. What with McKai and Taft leaving tomorrow, I'll have even more people to worry about! It's ridiculous. The Lord is truly testing my faith in His plan, ha! No, I know He has it all under control. That doesn't mean that I don't miss Ben more and more every day.
I'm scared to forget. I really am. I'm scared to forget the wonderful times we had. I'm scared to forget how he laughs at stupid things, or how he makes everything alright somehow through magic. I don't want to forget his voice, or his grin, or his eyes when they become sincere and so so blue. I hope he is adjusting as well as I have. I hope he's happy. Tomorrow is the moment of truth! I'm getting all stuffy and sad now, and I shouldn't be! All's well. Big adventures tomorrow. Another day to depend on the Lord to guide me through the ocean in my boat that is tight as a dish.
My roommates are wonderful!!! I love them. I love that we are all so incredibly different, with different skill sets and backgrounds, but that somehow all of that melts away and we've become fast friends. We already have a myriad of inside jokes, including but not limited to: fat & sassy Spock, the snap dance, the Princess and the Pauper, and fighting wind gusts. As you can probably deduce, we have already had many adventures in our first four/five days here! It's been a rock-rolling good time.
I failed a test today but I tried to stay positive and focus on the blessings that can come from it. It does add quite a bit of weight to my already very-extremely-stressed-out mindset, but it's all good hearty learning experiences. I'm also discovering that my cooking skills, and more particularly my motivation to exercise my cooking skills, is greatly lacking. I'm mildly concerned about my work ethic, my insufficient funds, and my ability to succeed with so many demanding classes. But! Through all of this, I know that the Lord is aware of me, and is blessing me greatly. I love the Lord more and more every day. He truly carries me. When I feel like my vision is clouded or the burden is just too much, I can pray to Him and know that He knows all things, and can provide the comfort and the spiritual hug that I honestly really need. I am always in sincere need of a good hug. Ever since Ben left, gorgamous guy.
Tomorrow is email day! And there's nothing I could possibly need or want more than a wonderful, comforting, beautiful email from the love of my life. I worry about him alllll the time. What with McKai and Taft leaving tomorrow, I'll have even more people to worry about! It's ridiculous. The Lord is truly testing my faith in His plan, ha! No, I know He has it all under control. That doesn't mean that I don't miss Ben more and more every day.
I'm scared to forget. I really am. I'm scared to forget the wonderful times we had. I'm scared to forget how he laughs at stupid things, or how he makes everything alright somehow through magic. I don't want to forget his voice, or his grin, or his eyes when they become sincere and so so blue. I hope he is adjusting as well as I have. I hope he's happy. Tomorrow is the moment of truth! I'm getting all stuffy and sad now, and I shouldn't be! All's well. Big adventures tomorrow. Another day to depend on the Lord to guide me through the ocean in my boat that is tight as a dish.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Day One College Lyfe
So! College! Yes!
It's frightening. And overwhelming. And frankly I have no idea what I'm doing! BUT! I have decided that progression is of God. It is important to do hard things in order to progress, because God is always seeking to do more! So although I've got the pants scared off me right now, I understand that this is a necessary step to becoming a better person and to going forward with life, and living my dreams. I am taking one step closer to being an adult and a mom!
I know that every big step I take will be very scary! I also know that God is taking care of me and He will bless me with strength to carry on through all these big transitions. He carried the pioneers across plains to places they've never been. He helped the Jaredites cross the ocean in boats they'd never even built before! He helped Moses bring the Israelites through the Red Sea! Likewise, I know, that He will protect me and uphold me!
I CAN do hard things! I'm excited to see what the world holds for me, and all the new experiences college will bring.
It's frightening. And overwhelming. And frankly I have no idea what I'm doing! BUT! I have decided that progression is of God. It is important to do hard things in order to progress, because God is always seeking to do more! So although I've got the pants scared off me right now, I understand that this is a necessary step to becoming a better person and to going forward with life, and living my dreams. I am taking one step closer to being an adult and a mom!
I know that every big step I take will be very scary! I also know that God is taking care of me and He will bless me with strength to carry on through all these big transitions. He carried the pioneers across plains to places they've never been. He helped the Jaredites cross the ocean in boats they'd never even built before! He helped Moses bring the Israelites through the Red Sea! Likewise, I know, that He will protect me and uphold me!
I CAN do hard things! I'm excited to see what the world holds for me, and all the new experiences college will bring.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
A Very Long Melodramatic Post
I was reading some other blogs today and I realized that I am really lacking in the eloquent and/or thought-provoking writing style. I'm going to try to write more maturely and concisely so that I make more sense for you and less sense for me!
...I'm already failing. Ha!!
So anyhow. I got my email and mini-chat session with Ben today! He's seeming a little more discouraged than he has before. He also said he just needed to talk with a real friend, so I think he probably needed to vent and get all that worry and frustration out of his system before heading back for another week. Which I can totally understand. (Sorry guys.)
Truth is, it's our eight month anniversary tomorrow! Happy anniversary to us! Eight months doesn't sound that long, but neither does three weeks, and it feels like Ben has been gone for an ETERNITY. Wow. Time is a fickle thing. It seems to run too fast when life is enjoyable, and then deliberately slows it's pace when things are less so. Either way, eight months is nothing to sneeze at, considering we lasted through the end of high school and through an (almost) month of mission! I hope we can last for a lot longer, but everything is so uncertain right now. I'm trying not to make promises, sad as it sounds.
I still love him. I love him more than I did eight months ago, when my head was whirling because he had finally kissed me. I love him more than I did three months ago, when he specifically took off work so he could come to see my final choir concert, which was so important to me. I love him more than I did three weeks ago when I was savoring every last moment before we said goodbye. It's probably good that I had no idea what I was getting into that day. It's been so hard without my best friend there to support me and comfort me as I'm going through such a huge life-changing step. But I'm being selfish again. After all that Ben has done for me, and all the hours he has put in for me, everything he's given up, every time he's compromised or been patient or forgiven me for something stupid, he deserves my attention and my prayers. The Lord needs him. The Lord needs him more than I need him right now. I forget to focus on the big picture, but I truly am so grateful that he is the kind of man who would put everything on hold to serve his God, and to serve other people. He is such a good example and inspiration to me. I know God is blessing both of us, and God will help us to do hard things.
Oh and besides all of this crap I'm leaving for college on Friday. Have I mentioned I'm totally freaking out?! I'm totally FREAKING OUT. There are so many variables in this huge, complication equation called college; I don't know what to do with myself! How do I plan if I have no idea what to expect? It drives me nuts! I feel like I'm almost as prepared as I could be physically, but I am nowhere near where I need to be emotionally. If you know me, you know that being emotionally balanced is the most important thing of all! Gee. And the anticipation is killing me. I just want it to be over with, and then whatever happens, happens. I can deal with things in the moment. Planning and waiting and planning and waiting is less helpful! I have resorted to my breathing exercises for my anxiety. If this doesn't give me a panic attack, nothing will.
I have been so negative this post! There are three amazing blessings I would like to touch on! One, is my dear practically-brother Taylor. He is going to Snow College with me and can I just say I am so grateful to at least have one friend that I can count on to take with me. He has been supportive and patient and overall very wonderful and Kaitlin-tolerating lately, even though I'm a bit of a mess. Two, is my dear family. Between my ridiculous and loving sister, my overprotective mom, and my gentle support of a dad, (also Jared the comic relief) I really have it made. I should have nothing to worry about because my family has been planning and helping and doing wonderful things to make the transition easier. Where would we be without family?! Nowhere I tell you! Nowhere! Finally, the temple. A wonderful, clean, quiet place of peace where I can just... breathe. I love Oquirrh Mountain, I really do. It was great to go there today. Yeah... nice. Real nice.
So the Lord makes sure there is a way through all my crap. He is so good to me, to us. I'm grateful for the little things that my Father in Heaven gives me, my tender mercies to get through the day. I'm glad that I blog about all this stuff because I realize what a hand He has had in my life after I write about it all. Another blessing from a benevolent Father. :)
...I'm already failing. Ha!!
So anyhow. I got my email and mini-chat session with Ben today! He's seeming a little more discouraged than he has before. He also said he just needed to talk with a real friend, so I think he probably needed to vent and get all that worry and frustration out of his system before heading back for another week. Which I can totally understand. (Sorry guys.)
Truth is, it's our eight month anniversary tomorrow! Happy anniversary to us! Eight months doesn't sound that long, but neither does three weeks, and it feels like Ben has been gone for an ETERNITY. Wow. Time is a fickle thing. It seems to run too fast when life is enjoyable, and then deliberately slows it's pace when things are less so. Either way, eight months is nothing to sneeze at, considering we lasted through the end of high school and through an (almost) month of mission! I hope we can last for a lot longer, but everything is so uncertain right now. I'm trying not to make promises, sad as it sounds.
I still love him. I love him more than I did eight months ago, when my head was whirling because he had finally kissed me. I love him more than I did three months ago, when he specifically took off work so he could come to see my final choir concert, which was so important to me. I love him more than I did three weeks ago when I was savoring every last moment before we said goodbye. It's probably good that I had no idea what I was getting into that day. It's been so hard without my best friend there to support me and comfort me as I'm going through such a huge life-changing step. But I'm being selfish again. After all that Ben has done for me, and all the hours he has put in for me, everything he's given up, every time he's compromised or been patient or forgiven me for something stupid, he deserves my attention and my prayers. The Lord needs him. The Lord needs him more than I need him right now. I forget to focus on the big picture, but I truly am so grateful that he is the kind of man who would put everything on hold to serve his God, and to serve other people. He is such a good example and inspiration to me. I know God is blessing both of us, and God will help us to do hard things.
Oh and besides all of this crap I'm leaving for college on Friday. Have I mentioned I'm totally freaking out?! I'm totally FREAKING OUT. There are so many variables in this huge, complication equation called college; I don't know what to do with myself! How do I plan if I have no idea what to expect? It drives me nuts! I feel like I'm almost as prepared as I could be physically, but I am nowhere near where I need to be emotionally. If you know me, you know that being emotionally balanced is the most important thing of all! Gee. And the anticipation is killing me. I just want it to be over with, and then whatever happens, happens. I can deal with things in the moment. Planning and waiting and planning and waiting is less helpful! I have resorted to my breathing exercises for my anxiety. If this doesn't give me a panic attack, nothing will.
I have been so negative this post! There are three amazing blessings I would like to touch on! One, is my dear practically-brother Taylor. He is going to Snow College with me and can I just say I am so grateful to at least have one friend that I can count on to take with me. He has been supportive and patient and overall very wonderful and Kaitlin-tolerating lately, even though I'm a bit of a mess. Two, is my dear family. Between my ridiculous and loving sister, my overprotective mom, and my gentle support of a dad, (also Jared the comic relief) I really have it made. I should have nothing to worry about because my family has been planning and helping and doing wonderful things to make the transition easier. Where would we be without family?! Nowhere I tell you! Nowhere! Finally, the temple. A wonderful, clean, quiet place of peace where I can just... breathe. I love Oquirrh Mountain, I really do. It was great to go there today. Yeah... nice. Real nice.
So the Lord makes sure there is a way through all my crap. He is so good to me, to us. I'm grateful for the little things that my Father in Heaven gives me, my tender mercies to get through the day. I'm glad that I blog about all this stuff because I realize what a hand He has had in my life after I write about it all. Another blessing from a benevolent Father. :)
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Taft's Faring Well
Taft's mission farewell was today! He doesn't leave for another week and a half or so but chose to do his farewell today because McKai's farewell is next week and he graciously wanted all of us to be able to come to both.
For me this was another crazy awakening. When I met Taft in sophomore year, he was a scrawny, shy, acne-ridden teenager. Today, he looked amazing in his new suit, accented by a huge grin and confidence. He spoke with such certainty on the topic of faith. Some moments, he would say things and his eyes would glint with testimony and strength. Wow. It was really beautiful for me, actually, stupid as that sounds. Getting to glimpse Taft's future, knowing the amazing things he will do for the Lord, it's just.. wonderful.
Although I really have no right to claim any of their success or maturity, I feel sort of responsible for all of these young men. While obviously their parents, leaders, and personal testimonies have shaped them into the people they are today much more than I ever could, I still sometimes wonder if my friendship has contributed at all. Regardless, I've seen them all grow up so much in the past two years that they hold an undeniable place in my heart. It's both sad and fulfilling to see them go on to serve missions and to take a step towards their awesome futures. I'm like a proud parent. "Go....grow up." hahaha
So that was a fantastic way to spend the Sabbath. The cheesecake bites and nachos were just a bonus.
Oh and by the way...
FIVE DAYS UNTIL COLLEGE.
*ensue heart attack*
Yeah, I am so not ready.
For me this was another crazy awakening. When I met Taft in sophomore year, he was a scrawny, shy, acne-ridden teenager. Today, he looked amazing in his new suit, accented by a huge grin and confidence. He spoke with such certainty on the topic of faith. Some moments, he would say things and his eyes would glint with testimony and strength. Wow. It was really beautiful for me, actually, stupid as that sounds. Getting to glimpse Taft's future, knowing the amazing things he will do for the Lord, it's just.. wonderful.
Although I really have no right to claim any of their success or maturity, I feel sort of responsible for all of these young men. While obviously their parents, leaders, and personal testimonies have shaped them into the people they are today much more than I ever could, I still sometimes wonder if my friendship has contributed at all. Regardless, I've seen them all grow up so much in the past two years that they hold an undeniable place in my heart. It's both sad and fulfilling to see them go on to serve missions and to take a step towards their awesome futures. I'm like a proud parent. "Go....grow up." hahaha
So that was a fantastic way to spend the Sabbath. The cheesecake bites and nachos were just a bonus.
Oh and by the way...
FIVE DAYS UNTIL COLLEGE.
*ensue heart attack*
Yeah, I am so not ready.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Much To Be Grateful For
It's Wednesday again! You know what that means? Yes! Letters from my love! And while I miss him an incredible amount, I was so happy to hear from him!! He's doing alright! He says he's getting taken care of which means my prayers are getting answered. Thank goodness.
And I am sick. Ha! At first I assumed it was just some sniffles from crying but now it's getting worse haha! Yay for modern medicine!
Last night I spent the night after work with Taylor and Mckai and we had a good chat until 2am, which, looking back, was probably not the best thing for my sickness but it was a very teenager-y yolo moment. I'm glad I have good friends that stand by me and I can trust.
And my mother continues to look out for me and look into getting college stuff ready which I haven't even thought about. I don't know where I'd be without her. Especially with all her delicious dinners.
Count your blessings today children: your loved ones are safe, you have good friends, good family, good food and by golly God has given us medicine!!
And I am sick. Ha! At first I assumed it was just some sniffles from crying but now it's getting worse haha! Yay for modern medicine!
Last night I spent the night after work with Taylor and Mckai and we had a good chat until 2am, which, looking back, was probably not the best thing for my sickness but it was a very teenager-y yolo moment. I'm glad I have good friends that stand by me and I can trust.
And my mother continues to look out for me and look into getting college stuff ready which I haven't even thought about. I don't know where I'd be without her. Especially with all her delicious dinners.
Count your blessings today children: your loved ones are safe, you have good friends, good family, good food and by golly God has given us medicine!!
Sunday, August 3, 2014
What Is That Disgusting Smell? Oh Yes, It's Anticipation.
Good morning! I have a teensy case of the sniffles today but it's the Sabbath and so it's all good!
Yesterday I enjoyed a great fun day with my extended family at Willard Bay! I got to ride a jetski which was way fun! But mostly I enjoyed chatting with my cousins, namely Benjamin and Stacy and Brennon. Also just being with my own family was fun! I admittedly ate way too many snacks though!
Work has been alright, and this is my last week! My last day is this Friday, and then so-loooong Baskin Robbins! I'm stoked! As I was filling out my tithing slip this morning I realized that tips go a long way, and that I really need to go to the bank and exchange all my ones! Bahahaha I have like fifty dollars in just ones! It's a funny little problem to have.
Somehow this week I think I accomplished getting my college schedule solidified. Quitting work this week means that college is coming up very quickly! Which is simultaneously exciting and terrifying. My cousin says that "Anything worth doing is going to be scary!" so I'm trusting his advice. I'm excited to get cracking on college because it means I'm going to be freakishly busy; I kind of crave that schedule after a long summer of moping about and having nothing to do. It will help me feel like I'm accomplishing something and help me get my mind off Ben and the fact that he's not here.
Of course it will be hard. I'm taking a full load of 16 credits and I'm hoping to work as well. Combine that with a new campus and living on my own for the first time, and I'm sure I'll be posting about mental breakdowns in a few short weeks! Ha! Life is crazy. Life is so crazy. But! The only way out is through, as I always say. (I never say that.)
And yay! It's already Sunday! Have I mentioned that? That means I get letters tomorrow!
Sigh. So things are rolling, long story short.
Oh! And spiritually I've been knocked around lately. I don't know why I'm just struggling with things. But the scriptures are awesome. And I know that Jesus Christ lives and loves me, so no matter how I'm feeling, I know that He is there. He promises that He will not leave us comfortless or abandon us. I know that even though right now I don't see His plan, someday I'll look back and realize what great works the Lord has done for me! I should hit up the temple this week. :)
Yesterday I enjoyed a great fun day with my extended family at Willard Bay! I got to ride a jetski which was way fun! But mostly I enjoyed chatting with my cousins, namely Benjamin and Stacy and Brennon. Also just being with my own family was fun! I admittedly ate way too many snacks though!
Work has been alright, and this is my last week! My last day is this Friday, and then so-loooong Baskin Robbins! I'm stoked! As I was filling out my tithing slip this morning I realized that tips go a long way, and that I really need to go to the bank and exchange all my ones! Bahahaha I have like fifty dollars in just ones! It's a funny little problem to have.
Somehow this week I think I accomplished getting my college schedule solidified. Quitting work this week means that college is coming up very quickly! Which is simultaneously exciting and terrifying. My cousin says that "Anything worth doing is going to be scary!" so I'm trusting his advice. I'm excited to get cracking on college because it means I'm going to be freakishly busy; I kind of crave that schedule after a long summer of moping about and having nothing to do. It will help me feel like I'm accomplishing something and help me get my mind off Ben and the fact that he's not here.
Of course it will be hard. I'm taking a full load of 16 credits and I'm hoping to work as well. Combine that with a new campus and living on my own for the first time, and I'm sure I'll be posting about mental breakdowns in a few short weeks! Ha! Life is crazy. Life is so crazy. But! The only way out is through, as I always say. (I never say that.)
And yay! It's already Sunday! Have I mentioned that? That means I get letters tomorrow!
Sigh. So things are rolling, long story short.
Oh! And spiritually I've been knocked around lately. I don't know why I'm just struggling with things. But the scriptures are awesome. And I know that Jesus Christ lives and loves me, so no matter how I'm feeling, I know that He is there. He promises that He will not leave us comfortless or abandon us. I know that even though right now I don't see His plan, someday I'll look back and realize what great works the Lord has done for me! I should hit up the temple this week. :)
Thursday, July 31, 2014
To Remind Myself of the Goods in Life
The good things about today
1. Petticoats for my Anna dress
2. Short work shift
3. Cute shirts from Savers
4. Frozen
5. Episodes of Married at First Sight
6. Taylor
7. Emailing Ben
8. This blog
9. Putting on pajama pants
10. $2.71 tip
11. Tomorrow is Friday
12. Turkey burgers
13. Braids
14. My sister
15. Didn't have to fill the gas tank today
16. Tomorrow is a new day
17. Being reminded of Jesus Christ
18. Wearing the hope ring
19. Too many icecream tasters
20. Reading about Moroni
1. Petticoats for my Anna dress
2. Short work shift
3. Cute shirts from Savers
4. Frozen
5. Episodes of Married at First Sight
6. Taylor
7. Emailing Ben
8. This blog
9. Putting on pajama pants
10. $2.71 tip
11. Tomorrow is Friday
12. Turkey burgers
13. Braids
14. My sister
15. Didn't have to fill the gas tank today
16. Tomorrow is a new day
17. Being reminded of Jesus Christ
18. Wearing the hope ring
19. Too many icecream tasters
20. Reading about Moroni
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Level 1:Complete
Ah, blog. Today is Wednesday and you know what that means? Some random disorganized hump day thoughts.
1) Emails from my dear! It was long and full of information! YAY! It also made me cry. Awh. He's doing okay out there. He's safe, and though things aren't all blue skies, he's making it through the days, and his Portuguese is improving. The food is good. That's a plus. haha. I'm glad to hear from him, but also crushed because there's another infinitely long week before I talk to him again.
2) College sucks. It's so stressful, and complicated, and giving me a knot in my shoulder that's giving me a headache. I am worried and scared and just completely overwhelmed and it's fine. Ha!!! I have no idea what I'm doing, and I am just praying that it all works out!! Please! Let it all work out. It seems so...huge. I feel like I am standing on the precipice of some huge cliff with these giant iron hell doors in front of me and everyone is like, "Go ahead! Move forward! Everything will be fine!" Agh! I want to throw a two-year-old tantrum and I'm trying way too hard to be cool.
3) I am Superman. I took one of those dumb facebook quizzes and it made me feel cool about myself. I really like Superman. I think he's cool. "You are a compassionate, goodhearted person who actively tries to make the world a better, safer place and believe that others should use their talents for the same goal. You value hard work and good moral values, which can make you seem boring or uptight to some people. However, in reality people respect you for standing by your values and are inspired by your positive example. Sometimes you feel as if you are sacrificing your personal needs and wants because of your devotion to your moral and just causes, but you always find the strength to do the right thing. You are a charismatic and capable champion of your cause and help people to embrace it." #mycauseisJesus
4) I am all alone. My friends and I are still friends but without Ben, who was the foundation to our group, we've kinda fallen apart. Taylor is out of town this week. But yesterday cute Rachel came over and we had a nice long heart to heart like we normally do. She is so sweet and I'm grateful for her in my life. Despite her visit, and my endlessly patient mother, and my family, I still can't shake the feeling of being alone in my experience. Like I don't have anyone who really understands. Of course, Jesus understands.
5) I adore the scriptures. I look forward to my study every day!! It's been so great to go through the Book of Mormon again; it provides me so much comfort and strength. The people were so amazing and I'm so grateful for their example. Right now I'm reading about the armies of Moroni and how they protected themselves from their enemies by fighting for what was right, keeping their faith in God, and wearing armor. What armor are we wearing today? What things are we doing today to become stronger, to keep our aim set, and protect ourselves? Sincere prayer is a good option.
1) Emails from my dear! It was long and full of information! YAY! It also made me cry. Awh. He's doing okay out there. He's safe, and though things aren't all blue skies, he's making it through the days, and his Portuguese is improving. The food is good. That's a plus. haha. I'm glad to hear from him, but also crushed because there's another infinitely long week before I talk to him again.
2) College sucks. It's so stressful, and complicated, and giving me a knot in my shoulder that's giving me a headache. I am worried and scared and just completely overwhelmed and it's fine. Ha!!! I have no idea what I'm doing, and I am just praying that it all works out!! Please! Let it all work out. It seems so...huge. I feel like I am standing on the precipice of some huge cliff with these giant iron hell doors in front of me and everyone is like, "Go ahead! Move forward! Everything will be fine!" Agh! I want to throw a two-year-old tantrum and I'm trying way too hard to be cool.
3) I am Superman. I took one of those dumb facebook quizzes and it made me feel cool about myself. I really like Superman. I think he's cool. "You are a compassionate, goodhearted person who actively tries to make the world a better, safer place and believe that others should use their talents for the same goal. You value hard work and good moral values, which can make you seem boring or uptight to some people. However, in reality people respect you for standing by your values and are inspired by your positive example. Sometimes you feel as if you are sacrificing your personal needs and wants because of your devotion to your moral and just causes, but you always find the strength to do the right thing. You are a charismatic and capable champion of your cause and help people to embrace it." #mycauseisJesus
4) I am all alone. My friends and I are still friends but without Ben, who was the foundation to our group, we've kinda fallen apart. Taylor is out of town this week. But yesterday cute Rachel came over and we had a nice long heart to heart like we normally do. She is so sweet and I'm grateful for her in my life. Despite her visit, and my endlessly patient mother, and my family, I still can't shake the feeling of being alone in my experience. Like I don't have anyone who really understands. Of course, Jesus understands.
5) I adore the scriptures. I look forward to my study every day!! It's been so great to go through the Book of Mormon again; it provides me so much comfort and strength. The people were so amazing and I'm so grateful for their example. Right now I'm reading about the armies of Moroni and how they protected themselves from their enemies by fighting for what was right, keeping their faith in God, and wearing armor. What armor are we wearing today? What things are we doing today to become stronger, to keep our aim set, and protect ourselves? Sincere prayer is a good option.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Day Four
I'm feeling proud of myself because today is Friday and I haven't seen my love since Monday and so far I've only sobbed uncontrollably three times been alright!
Yesterday I enjoyed a day with the family. We went down to the art museum to see a display of costumes worn by big name actors in relatively unknown movies. (Keira Knightly? Totally flatchested, just saying). The attention to detail was really awesome. My mom and sister being the seamstresses they are, buzzed over every tuck and pleat. Me? I fangirled over the incredible amounts of buttons, bows, and tulle. Which I love. Buttons. So many buttons. We stopped by two Jamba Juices and Krispy Kreme for treats.
So that was fun. Later I was invited out with friends, but all they could talk about was how "the beauty of women goes up 200% when you're on a mission," "That's why guys get married within three months of being home," and "So basically you're saying that a mission is prison!" I really didn't want to hear that kind of information, and so when they started to play an inappropriate game, I pulled a distressed-thirteen-year-old and called mommy to come get me. And then Icried went to bed.
You know, in the approximately seven months Ben and I have been dating, we haven't been apart longer than six days. I kid you not. Even when we were apart we still had goodnight and good morning texts to help make the time go by. So far, as things go, it's alright. Things are alright. Whenever it gets too scary or two overwhelming, I follow the counsel of Moroni to "pray with all the energy of heart," (Moroni 7:48) and the Lord hears me and brings a Spirit of Peace that doesn't necessarily make the pain go away but at least consoles me enough to help me make it through the next two hours. The only difficult part is that I feel so alone. Normally I would just call up my best friend and we would talk about it, and he would give me advice and tell me that everything is going to be okay, but now I feel like I can't even email him about it. None of my other friends really understand, and my family is sympathetic but getting sick of me. So I've got my Heavenly Father and that's about it.
But even now I'm being ungrateful. So. Yes. My Father in Heaven is taking care of me, I know He is. Through His strength I'll make it through. This blog is therapeutic also. That's enough for me, if just for today.
Yesterday I enjoyed a day with the family. We went down to the art museum to see a display of costumes worn by big name actors in relatively unknown movies. (Keira Knightly? Totally flatchested, just saying). The attention to detail was really awesome. My mom and sister being the seamstresses they are, buzzed over every tuck and pleat. Me? I fangirled over the incredible amounts of buttons, bows, and tulle. Which I love. Buttons. So many buttons. We stopped by two Jamba Juices and Krispy Kreme for treats.
So that was fun. Later I was invited out with friends, but all they could talk about was how "the beauty of women goes up 200% when you're on a mission," "That's why guys get married within three months of being home," and "So basically you're saying that a mission is prison!" I really didn't want to hear that kind of information, and so when they started to play an inappropriate game, I pulled a distressed-thirteen-year-old and called mommy to come get me. And then I
You know, in the approximately seven months Ben and I have been dating, we haven't been apart longer than six days. I kid you not. Even when we were apart we still had goodnight and good morning texts to help make the time go by. So far, as things go, it's alright. Things are alright. Whenever it gets too scary or two overwhelming, I follow the counsel of Moroni to "pray with all the energy of heart," (Moroni 7:48) and the Lord hears me and brings a Spirit of Peace that doesn't necessarily make the pain go away but at least consoles me enough to help me make it through the next two hours. The only difficult part is that I feel so alone. Normally I would just call up my best friend and we would talk about it, and he would give me advice and tell me that everything is going to be okay, but now I feel like I can't even email him about it. None of my other friends really understand, and my family is sympathetic but getting sick of me. So I've got my Heavenly Father and that's about it.
But even now I'm being ungrateful. So. Yes. My Father in Heaven is taking care of me, I know He is. Through His strength I'll make it through. This blog is therapeutic also. That's enough for me, if just for today.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Day Two!
I am sure that anyone who reads this blog will think I'm bipolar. Don't worry! I'm not!
But I got my first letter today!!! He says he's safe, and fine, and everything is okay.
I know the Lord hears me, because I got my first letter so soon. He blesses me and lets me know that he's okay, that everything is going to be alright! I'm so grateful that everything is going according to plan so far. Ben already gave out a pass-along card. I knew he would be a great missionary. Gash, even though I've been so full of doubts and worries and pain, the Lord was still merciful and instead of chastising my lack of faith, blessed me instead. I am grateful to Him.
Temple with Taft today!! Yay for serving God after he has served me.
But I got my first letter today!!! He says he's safe, and fine, and everything is okay.
I know the Lord hears me, because I got my first letter so soon. He blesses me and lets me know that he's okay, that everything is going to be alright! I'm so grateful that everything is going according to plan so far. Ben already gave out a pass-along card. I knew he would be a great missionary. Gash, even though I've been so full of doubts and worries and pain, the Lord was still merciful and instead of chastising my lack of faith, blessed me instead. I am grateful to Him.
Temple with Taft today!! Yay for serving God after he has served me.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Day One
Hello blog! It's been a few days.
This morning Ben got on a plane and left for Brazil.
Last night we said our goodbyes.
We spent the day together. I got there at 10am and I was trying real hard to be strong for him and I took one look at the open suitcases and I burst into tears. In a very Ben-like fashion, he just came over and held me, and let me cry it out. Later it became kind of nice, because while he would pack, I would write on the checklist and so I felt like I was a part of his experience, as I know now everything that's in those suitcases.
We caught some kisses as we went through his stuff. Planned what tie he would wear tomorrow, and on Christmas, and on my birthday. We were couple-y, and it was nice to just spend some time just us, thinking about our future and his mission.
Later we made lunch, and then some friends came over to spend our last time together. We basically just hung around and talked and joked because I think deep inside we were all wondering what it would be like without him. Ben has always been kind of the cornerstone of this group. Everybody looks up to him and respects him. We loved spending some good time together, although we were all trying to avoid the elephant in the room. (and I don't mean Noah.)
We took a short jaunt over to Noah's to watch the infamous "spoofs" that Taylor and Ben and Noah made as thirteen-year-olds. It was a riot! Who knew that they were once kids with little baby voices! Ah, they were so cute. The guys took all the embarrassment in stride while I busted a gut laughing over their ridiculous acting and the excess of directed stabbing people.
Then the time came for Ben and I to leave, as we were doing a favor for the Platts and wanted some extra time together. Ben had to say goodbye. It was completely and totally heartbreaking. You don't know love until you see the way Ben cares for people. He hugged them one by one for an especially long time, told them he loved them, and that he would see them soon. But Ben and Noah have been best friends since they were very small. To see them say goodbye.. wow. They were both trying to be strong but really didn't succeed. Ben was hurting and that put me and his mom in pain, and so we cried, and they cried, and everyone cried.
And we took a practically silent drive to where the rental car was. We talked slow, in low tones, and choked up every few minutes. It was so hard. I can still feel that moment.
Ben and I drove home together, and we held hands, and tried to console each other that everything would be okay, and we would be okay. Got home, and wrote thank you notes outside to the people who had generously donated to the Ben-is-poor fund.
Our time was down to thirty minutes, and we spent the last of it in his backyard. We prayed. We cried.
Our goodbye was a hug, a promise to write, a see you soon. Be safe. Trust the Lord. Make me proud. Work hard. I'll see you at Christmas. Another hug. A quick kiss. Hanging on to every last word, every glance of the man I love. It has to be the hardest thing I ever did to drive away from him and not look back.
I keep asking myself, why do we put ourselves through the pain of all of this? Why am I letting my heart get ripped out? Why am I making promises to see Ben in three years when we could be staying together?
I have to believe that this mission will be worth it! I have to believe that Ben and I will be able to bring people to the gospel and that their souls coming to the kingdom of God is worth every second that we will be apart. As we say, "see you later," we put all our faith in God that He will guide us and help us be instruments in His hands. We hope to become the faith-filled servants He sees in us. We know that the Lord does not abandon His children, but rather provides a way "that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." (1 Nephi 3:7) We trust in the Lord. We trust that He will guide us. Every time I pray I know that God is aware of me, and I know He loves me.That is enough, if just for today.
This morning Ben got on a plane and left for Brazil.
Last night we said our goodbyes.
We spent the day together. I got there at 10am and I was trying real hard to be strong for him and I took one look at the open suitcases and I burst into tears. In a very Ben-like fashion, he just came over and held me, and let me cry it out. Later it became kind of nice, because while he would pack, I would write on the checklist and so I felt like I was a part of his experience, as I know now everything that's in those suitcases.
We caught some kisses as we went through his stuff. Planned what tie he would wear tomorrow, and on Christmas, and on my birthday. We were couple-y, and it was nice to just spend some time just us, thinking about our future and his mission.
Later we made lunch, and then some friends came over to spend our last time together. We basically just hung around and talked and joked because I think deep inside we were all wondering what it would be like without him. Ben has always been kind of the cornerstone of this group. Everybody looks up to him and respects him. We loved spending some good time together, although we were all trying to avoid the elephant in the room. (and I don't mean Noah.)
We took a short jaunt over to Noah's to watch the infamous "spoofs" that Taylor and Ben and Noah made as thirteen-year-olds. It was a riot! Who knew that they were once kids with little baby voices! Ah, they were so cute. The guys took all the embarrassment in stride while I busted a gut laughing over their ridiculous acting and the excess of directed stabbing people.
Then the time came for Ben and I to leave, as we were doing a favor for the Platts and wanted some extra time together. Ben had to say goodbye. It was completely and totally heartbreaking. You don't know love until you see the way Ben cares for people. He hugged them one by one for an especially long time, told them he loved them, and that he would see them soon. But Ben and Noah have been best friends since they were very small. To see them say goodbye.. wow. They were both trying to be strong but really didn't succeed. Ben was hurting and that put me and his mom in pain, and so we cried, and they cried, and everyone cried.
And we took a practically silent drive to where the rental car was. We talked slow, in low tones, and choked up every few minutes. It was so hard. I can still feel that moment.
Ben and I drove home together, and we held hands, and tried to console each other that everything would be okay, and we would be okay. Got home, and wrote thank you notes outside to the people who had generously donated to the Ben-is-poor fund.
Our time was down to thirty minutes, and we spent the last of it in his backyard. We prayed. We cried.
Our goodbye was a hug, a promise to write, a see you soon. Be safe. Trust the Lord. Make me proud. Work hard. I'll see you at Christmas. Another hug. A quick kiss. Hanging on to every last word, every glance of the man I love. It has to be the hardest thing I ever did to drive away from him and not look back.
I keep asking myself, why do we put ourselves through the pain of all of this? Why am I letting my heart get ripped out? Why am I making promises to see Ben in three years when we could be staying together?
I have to believe that this mission will be worth it! I have to believe that Ben and I will be able to bring people to the gospel and that their souls coming to the kingdom of God is worth every second that we will be apart. As we say, "see you later," we put all our faith in God that He will guide us and help us be instruments in His hands. We hope to become the faith-filled servants He sees in us. We know that the Lord does not abandon His children, but rather provides a way "that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." (1 Nephi 3:7) We trust in the Lord. We trust that He will guide us. Every time I pray I know that God is aware of me, and I know He loves me.That is enough, if just for today.
Friday, July 11, 2014
"Dress as a Cow or You Won't Get Your Dinner."
Freeee chick-fil-a day! My family went, and saw and conquered, all dressed as cows! It's so nice to have a day off work to spend time with the fam! I'm glad I'm related to such a lovely group of people (Although Ruth was kind of a grouch because she's tired) for time and all eternity!
Ben says I need to treasure the slow evenings at home because there aren't many left. I say, heck no! Our family is forever! My family is the one thing that will stay constant in all the craziness that is my life! Even when I move away, there will still be nights where we spend the evening on the couch, chatting occasionally and doing stuff on the internet. I'm sure we'll still get some time to sing Frozen in three part harmony, or to watch Master Chef together. Maybe not often, but sometimes. I know my mom will always be there when I need to chat about the injustice of how women are treated or ask her how in the heck to use my hand mixer. (cough cough, today..) I know my dad will surprise me with kindness every once in awhile. I know my sister will always be one of my best friends, even if we never seem to really talk. And I know Jared will always be around to simultaneously annoy the heck out of me and look freakishly adorable. (Dang that kid)
Wesley leaves for his mission next week!! His farewell is this Sunday! It depends on the day, honestly, how well I can cope with it all. But today is a good day! Wesley will do great serving in New Mexico, and I'm kinda excited to send out my first best friend on the first big adventure of his life. I'm so proud of my boys. So proud!
Sigh. Life comes at you so fast. But tonight, good food, good family, and pajama pants, that's enough for me. If just for today. :)
Ben says I need to treasure the slow evenings at home because there aren't many left. I say, heck no! Our family is forever! My family is the one thing that will stay constant in all the craziness that is my life! Even when I move away, there will still be nights where we spend the evening on the couch, chatting occasionally and doing stuff on the internet. I'm sure we'll still get some time to sing Frozen in three part harmony, or to watch Master Chef together. Maybe not often, but sometimes. I know my mom will always be there when I need to chat about the injustice of how women are treated or ask her how in the heck to use my hand mixer. (cough cough, today..) I know my dad will surprise me with kindness every once in awhile. I know my sister will always be one of my best friends, even if we never seem to really talk. And I know Jared will always be around to simultaneously annoy the heck out of me and look freakishly adorable. (Dang that kid)
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| Don't mind my whiteness haha |
Sigh. Life comes at you so fast. But tonight, good food, good family, and pajama pants, that's enough for me. If just for today. :)
Sunday, July 6, 2014
I'm Still Talking
I finished my last post and I thought, "There are still a lot of things I want to say." So I'm going to say them, haha.
I'm grateful to know that the Lord loves me, flaws and all. I don't have to change for Him, or be someone else. He loves me perfectly, no matter what. I am still striving to become better, to do better, but I like kneeling down and knowing that I'm talking to someone who loves me unconditionally.
My sister is still beautiful! I still adore her! Every day I'm more grateful that we've gotten so close over this summer. She's one of my best friends. I love being around her, even though she's a total dork! (I hope you're reading this, grrl.) She's so spunky and weird and lovely and I can't believe all that fits in one human personality. I love her.
Ben is the best boyfriend ever. He's so patient with me, and all my selfish feelings. He listens. He loves. He seeks to be closer to God. He is a magnificent soul. We've been spending a lot of time together lately too, and when I'm with him, I just feel safe. Time slows down for a minute, and all I can think about is my love for him. Sure, we're going through some hard times, and we squabble. We spend hours talking things through. At the end of the day, he always gives more of himself. Always! Give give give. He has this.. faith in us that sometimes I don't see. I wish I could be like him, so strong and trusting. I've been a total mess lately (as usual? haha) and he never blames me or complains. He just holds me on the doorstep. What a guy. What a guy!!
I love this blog. I love this laptop and the clicky sounds it makes when I write on this blog. Simple treasures.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. There's so much on my plate and I've just procrastinated all of it. It hasn't hit me yet, you know, that I'm leaving to live on my own soon and that I'm completely lacking life skills. I need to clean out my bedroom finally. And reschedule my college classes, and plans. Sigh. It's so overwhelming. I'll do better at that this week.
And by golly I love God! He's totally my best friend and confidant. I can't imagine life without His company and help. I know I can always talk to Him and that He listens and answers. Thank goodness for prayer. Thank goodness for mercy.
I think that's all now. At least for today, hahah
I'm grateful to know that the Lord loves me, flaws and all. I don't have to change for Him, or be someone else. He loves me perfectly, no matter what. I am still striving to become better, to do better, but I like kneeling down and knowing that I'm talking to someone who loves me unconditionally.
My sister is still beautiful! I still adore her! Every day I'm more grateful that we've gotten so close over this summer. She's one of my best friends. I love being around her, even though she's a total dork! (I hope you're reading this, grrl.) She's so spunky and weird and lovely and I can't believe all that fits in one human personality. I love her.
Ben is the best boyfriend ever. He's so patient with me, and all my selfish feelings. He listens. He loves. He seeks to be closer to God. He is a magnificent soul. We've been spending a lot of time together lately too, and when I'm with him, I just feel safe. Time slows down for a minute, and all I can think about is my love for him. Sure, we're going through some hard times, and we squabble. We spend hours talking things through. At the end of the day, he always gives more of himself. Always! Give give give. He has this.. faith in us that sometimes I don't see. I wish I could be like him, so strong and trusting. I've been a total mess lately (as usual? haha) and he never blames me or complains. He just holds me on the doorstep. What a guy. What a guy!!
I love this blog. I love this laptop and the clicky sounds it makes when I write on this blog. Simple treasures.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. There's so much on my plate and I've just procrastinated all of it. It hasn't hit me yet, you know, that I'm leaving to live on my own soon and that I'm completely lacking life skills. I need to clean out my bedroom finally. And reschedule my college classes, and plans. Sigh. It's so overwhelming. I'll do better at that this week.
And by golly I love God! He's totally my best friend and confidant. I can't imagine life without His company and help. I know I can always talk to Him and that He listens and answers. Thank goodness for prayer. Thank goodness for mercy.
I think that's all now. At least for today, hahah
Such is Life
So I was working the other day and met this cute gal named Natalie. Somehow in the two and half months I've worked, we've never had a shift together. We got to know each other a little bit and lo and behold, she also has a missionary boyfriend going out within the next three weeks. I didn't know how much I really needed to talk about Ben's mission until I talked with her and it was a huge release! Keep that burden off my shoulders for a little while!! She was so kind and so cheerful; I really felt a sisterhood with her as we are experiencing the same big changes in our lives.
In the car on my way home, (because the car is a great place for me and God to talk, I've noticed) I was telling Him how grateful I was that I was able to meet someone and confide in someone who knew exactly what I'm going through: the pain, the joy, the hope, the worry, the sadness, the determination. And then the Spirit gave me a very obvious "oh wait" moment.
The Savior, of course, knows exactly what we are going through. He suffered human pain and emotion that He could know how to relate to us in our times of need. Alma 7:12 in the Book of Mormon reminds us, "he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." Jesus Christ feels my pain, and "[my] walls are continually before [Him]" (1 Nephi 21:16) because He loves me.
Ben is leaving in around sixteen days. Honestly, I'm feeling the pressure. We are always talking about it, trying to console ourselves, find peace,encourage each other, keep our relationship strong. It's hard. But I know I can do all things through Christ. This mission is a good thing. It will bless him as he goes out to serve and preach. Jesus Christ went below all things so that we don't have to. We don't have to be alone. He promises that as long as we seek to follow His commands, He will grant us the strength we need to perform them.
I know that Jesus Christ loves me, and that makes things all better, if just for today.
In the car on my way home, (because the car is a great place for me and God to talk, I've noticed) I was telling Him how grateful I was that I was able to meet someone and confide in someone who knew exactly what I'm going through: the pain, the joy, the hope, the worry, the sadness, the determination. And then the Spirit gave me a very obvious "oh wait" moment.
The Savior, of course, knows exactly what we are going through. He suffered human pain and emotion that He could know how to relate to us in our times of need. Alma 7:12 in the Book of Mormon reminds us, "he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." Jesus Christ feels my pain, and "[my] walls are continually before [Him]" (1 Nephi 21:16) because He loves me.
Ben is leaving in around sixteen days. Honestly, I'm feeling the pressure. We are always talking about it, trying to console ourselves, find peace,encourage each other, keep our relationship strong. It's hard. But I know I can do all things through Christ. This mission is a good thing. It will bless him as he goes out to serve and preach. Jesus Christ went below all things so that we don't have to. We don't have to be alone. He promises that as long as we seek to follow His commands, He will grant us the strength we need to perform them.
I know that Jesus Christ loves me, and that makes things all better, if just for today.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Believe in Good Things To Come
The struggle is real, my friends. The struggle is real.
Although I'm having trouble seeing the future in a positive way right now, I know that if I trust the Lord He will "lead [me] by the hand, and give [me] answers to my prayers." I have to believe that that's true, that the gospel is true. I have to believe that everything will work out for good in the end.
The Lord doesn't forsake His children in their time of need. I know because I feel Him close to me when I need comfort. The Lord will not forget me now either.
I can do hard things through "Christ who strengtheneth me."
Although I'm having trouble seeing the future in a positive way right now, I know that if I trust the Lord He will "lead [me] by the hand, and give [me] answers to my prayers." I have to believe that that's true, that the gospel is true. I have to believe that everything will work out for good in the end.
The Lord doesn't forsake His children in their time of need. I know because I feel Him close to me when I need comfort. The Lord will not forget me now either.
I can do hard things through "Christ who strengtheneth me."
Friday, June 20, 2014
My Darling Sister
This week as a family we went to Disneyland! Best place ever! We had a great time and even got to meet Minnie Mouse- twice!! I really loved the parades, the shows, and of course, the princesses. I love princesses. I was surprised by how much I really enjoyed California Adventure this time around. We also went to the beach, and Ruth and I got nasty sunburns! Luckily, this was kind of a blessing because it meant more bonding between me and my sister!
She was so brave and rode all the rides, we got to chat, share a bed, take a billion selfies in the car, and of course, of course fangirl over Ben and how cute he is! I sure missed him!! I was really grateful to spend some quality time with the little sister especially, but also with the rest of my family and my adorable little brother.
In the whole world, I wouldn't want any other family or any other friends than the ones I have right now! God has indeed blessed me by allowing families to be together forever in His eternal plan!
She was so brave and rode all the rides, we got to chat, share a bed, take a billion selfies in the car, and of course, of course fangirl over Ben and how cute he is! I sure missed him!! I was really grateful to spend some quality time with the little sister especially, but also with the rest of my family and my adorable little brother.
In the whole world, I wouldn't want any other family or any other friends than the ones I have right now! God has indeed blessed me by allowing families to be together forever in His eternal plan!
Friday, June 13, 2014
Peachy Keen
YAAAY! What a great day it is today!
Yesterday I had the fine opportunity of attending Lagoon with my friends! We had a great time! It was minorly stressful, but in the end we all got along, and rode all the good rides, and everything was dandy. It was a little dream come true for me cuz I got to spend part of the time with just Ben and I, and he is.. extraordinarily handsome. If you didn't know. I'm so grateful that he's a part of my life. He's my best friend, he's a wonderful listener and he's always chivalrous. Shoutout to Mama Platt who raised this great guy!!
Yesterday I had the fine opportunity of attending Lagoon with my friends! We had a great time! It was minorly stressful, but in the end we all got along, and rode all the good rides, and everything was dandy. It was a little dream come true for me cuz I got to spend part of the time with just Ben and I, and he is.. extraordinarily handsome. If you didn't know. I'm so grateful that he's a part of my life. He's my best friend, he's a wonderful listener and he's always chivalrous. Shoutout to Mama Platt who raised this great guy!!
It was great! Today we went to see How to Train Your Dragon 2. I laughed, I cried, it moved me, Bob. We went hiking, had a picnic, and played frisbee afterwards. It's been so nice to be with my friends, and spend quality time with them. God has surely blessed me with wonderful friends and a beautiful world to explore! I'm grateful to Him for the rock-rolling good times I've had lately!
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Growing Pains
I just woke up from another nightmare, which somehow included Maleficent brewing human flesh in my back yard, and sliding cake with messages written on it under my door, and horrible people putting dead fish, (whole dead fish!) on all my trees in my front yard. You know how terrible it is to look out your window and see dead fish bodies hanging in your trees?? It's disgusting!! How does my brain come up with this stuff???
Anyways. Besides the fact that I'm emotionally scarred.
I've been a not-so-happy-camper in the past twenty four hours. Reason being: growing pains. As my best friend and I are trying to figure out how to adapt to the mission coming up here real quick, sometimes we (and when I say "we" I mean "I") don't communicate very well. Thereby creating some contention.
But we both went to work at 6, and no matter how much I hate going, driving to work allows me to talk to my Father in Heaven a lot more sincerely than I do any other time. I had a great time with the girls at work, and on the drive home, I was thanking God for His mercies. And suddenly I understood what God was doing with my life. It was like a window of understanding just opened up before me.
I've struggled at my work. It's my first job and I've had a really hard time adjusting. I thought it was a trial, but last night I realized it was a blessing from God. Work allows me to distract myself from everything else in my life, and to just serve other people. I get to see a lot of kids, and it makes me happy.
Long story short, I realized that my Father has been overflowing my cup with blessings lately. So many good things, and so many prayers answered. The Lord has truly been merciful to me. I have been given so much joy: I've had many people come to support me. I get to spend a lot of time with loyal friends, and I get to enjoy temple worship often. Knowing that the Lord has always answered my prayers and given me strength when I ask makes it easier to pay back the blessings by sending my boys on missions. In fact, it seems like a small thing to give. At least for today. :)
Anyways. Besides the fact that I'm emotionally scarred.
I've been a not-so-happy-camper in the past twenty four hours. Reason being: growing pains. As my best friend and I are trying to figure out how to adapt to the mission coming up here real quick, sometimes we (and when I say "we" I mean "I") don't communicate very well. Thereby creating some contention.
But we both went to work at 6, and no matter how much I hate going, driving to work allows me to talk to my Father in Heaven a lot more sincerely than I do any other time. I had a great time with the girls at work, and on the drive home, I was thanking God for His mercies. And suddenly I understood what God was doing with my life. It was like a window of understanding just opened up before me.
I've struggled at my work. It's my first job and I've had a really hard time adjusting. I thought it was a trial, but last night I realized it was a blessing from God. Work allows me to distract myself from everything else in my life, and to just serve other people. I get to see a lot of kids, and it makes me happy.
Long story short, I realized that my Father has been overflowing my cup with blessings lately. So many good things, and so many prayers answered. The Lord has truly been merciful to me. I have been given so much joy: I've had many people come to support me. I get to spend a lot of time with loyal friends, and I get to enjoy temple worship often. Knowing that the Lord has always answered my prayers and given me strength when I ask makes it easier to pay back the blessings by sending my boys on missions. In fact, it seems like a small thing to give. At least for today. :)
Sunday, June 8, 2014
They Come Back Happy
I've been praying a lot lately concerning comfort for the mission and today I saw God's hand and was reminded that He loves me.
But let me back up. First, you should know this guy-
In the stripes, he's Ben. Cute, ain't he? And in the black is Taylor, another good friend of mine but besides the point. So Ben is my...very close, very adorable.. best friend. He's leaving on his mission in July, as well as five of my other close friends. Actually the primary reason I started this blog is for a release of thought for me, and perhaps to provide solace for other "missionary girlfriends" or people with friends, neighbors, and countrymen with missionary relations.
Because it's hard to give up constant contact and communication and hugs with the people you care about most for two years, or maybe three. When you support them serving the Lord, and support their decision to spread the gospel of the true Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but you still can't deny that little tug at your heart when you think about being alone.
I'm sending out five of my best friends, including Ben, to missions within the next three months. And I know I need the Lord's strength to do it.
Today in church I got to go and sing at someone else's ward, and it happened to be the homecoming for two very powerful, on-fire-with-the-Spirit missionaries. I guess I had felt before that a mission was kind of like the death of my friends. But these missionaries were strong, and they were wise, and they knew with all their hearts that this gospel is the true one. I want that for my boys. I want them to be happy in the service of the Lord, and to learn and gain a firm testimony that this is the true way, and the only way to get to eternal life with our Father in Heaven.
I recognize that the testimony of these returned missionaries was God partially answering my plea. Because I was in the right place at the right time, I was able to be comforted and see the end result of a mission on a young man's life, and perhaps on my life in the future. A mission creates confident, capable young people with true knowledge that Jesus is the Christ and that He loves us. So that makes it all a little easier, at least for today. :)
But let me back up. First, you should know this guy-
Because it's hard to give up constant contact and communication and hugs with the people you care about most for two years, or maybe three. When you support them serving the Lord, and support their decision to spread the gospel of the true Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but you still can't deny that little tug at your heart when you think about being alone.
I'm sending out five of my best friends, including Ben, to missions within the next three months. And I know I need the Lord's strength to do it.
Today in church I got to go and sing at someone else's ward, and it happened to be the homecoming for two very powerful, on-fire-with-the-Spirit missionaries. I guess I had felt before that a mission was kind of like the death of my friends. But these missionaries were strong, and they were wise, and they knew with all their hearts that this gospel is the true one. I want that for my boys. I want them to be happy in the service of the Lord, and to learn and gain a firm testimony that this is the true way, and the only way to get to eternal life with our Father in Heaven.
I recognize that the testimony of these returned missionaries was God partially answering my plea. Because I was in the right place at the right time, I was able to be comforted and see the end result of a mission on a young man's life, and perhaps on my life in the future. A mission creates confident, capable young people with true knowledge that Jesus is the Christ and that He loves us. So that makes it all a little easier, at least for today. :)
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Concerning Graduation
So. Thus is begins.
Having graduated, uh, two days ago, the beginning of the rest of my life seems to be starting. So much of life is changing in the next two or three months.
I keep waiting to feel some kind of remorse for the death of my high school years or for the end of my childhood. I keep waiting to feel alone, or start missing my classmates. I thought I'd feel worried or concerned about the future, or scared to leave this all behind. But I honestly don't! I haven't yet! I never do!
I woke up this morning feeling good. I feel reeeaaal good. Like I can take on the world, like I could beat somebody up, like I could go to live at some random college by myself without knowing anything or having any money or any skills. I feel independent. I feel strong. I feel capable! That has never happened to me before! It feels AWESOME!
So to celebrate my new grownup feeling, I went to the temple. I just really felt like I had to be there today. So after some plans with friends fell through, I ended up just going there by myself. And sitting. And enjoying the Spirit of the temple. It was almost completely empty except for a couple other girls and myself, so I got to really open myself up to the guidance and comfort of the Holy Ghost. It's nice to know that the Lord loves me no matter where I am.
Having graduated, uh, two days ago, the beginning of the rest of my life seems to be starting. So much of life is changing in the next two or three months.
I keep waiting to feel some kind of remorse for the death of my high school years or for the end of my childhood. I keep waiting to feel alone, or start missing my classmates. I thought I'd feel worried or concerned about the future, or scared to leave this all behind. But I honestly don't! I haven't yet! I never do!
I woke up this morning feeling good. I feel reeeaaal good. Like I can take on the world, like I could beat somebody up, like I could go to live at some random college by myself without knowing anything or having any money or any skills. I feel independent. I feel strong. I feel capable! That has never happened to me before! It feels AWESOME!
So to celebrate my new grownup feeling, I went to the temple. I just really felt like I had to be there today. So after some plans with friends fell through, I ended up just going there by myself. And sitting. And enjoying the Spirit of the temple. It was almost completely empty except for a couple other girls and myself, so I got to really open myself up to the guidance and comfort of the Holy Ghost. It's nice to know that the Lord loves me no matter where I am.
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