When I was in high school, all those many very few months ago, I was completely convinced that time was constant. I woke up to an alarm clock at 6:30, push the snooze until 7am precisely, rush out the door and end up always on time. I would spend the day watching the synchronized clocks in every classroom, leave when the bell rang on the minute, and get home at exactly the same time every day. Everything seemed far away, and time seemed like it aged at a regular pace.
I'm not exactly sure what happened to me in the less than six months I've been at college, but I can tell you one of the most annoying things is when something you thought was steady and reliable ends up stabbing you in the back. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Suddenly time has stolen away hours, and shortened minutes, until Friday is the day after Monday and Saturday lasts for three hours, tops. I'll eat breakfast and then imagine my surprise when Time, in his sneaky way, has changed 9am to 3 in the afternoon behind my back.
Yesterday I moved away from home. A couple of hours ago I met my roommates. Maybe five minutes ago I was sitting in the testing center for midterms. And here we are, 62 minutes precisely from when I will be at home for Christmas, and everything that was temporarily stable will be gone again. I'm not complaining really. The weeks are much more enjoyable when you know that if you blink they'll be over. It makes it easy to forget about all the little mistakes I make. But I can't help but feel a little cheated! Because I know that before I can realize it, Snow College will be a little blip in my past, and the whole world will flip on its side for the millionth time, and then I'll have to start from scratch over again. Everything that I love about this place- the big trees, the uneven sidewalk, the comfortable couch, the girls that by divine design are living in my apartment- will all go away. They won't exist anymore, and this little tender mercy time of life won't exist anymore, and it will never exist again. So I can't help but feel a little ripped off, that now Time has decided to finally speed things up. Really? Yah couldn't have sped up through endless hours of boring high school classes?
It's a little frightening too. Because after I graduated- the milestone I never thought I would actually reach, it was so far away- everything else is a whole lot closer. The mission is a couple months away. Marriage, children, 30's, 40's, grandparents, and then it's all over! I am so imperfect, and this life is given to us as "a time to prepare to meet God," right? (Alma 12:24) Here's the thing. If time goes by so quickly, how am I supposed to iron out all the wrinkles in my personality so I can prepare to meet God in my Sunday best? I don't feel like I have the time to prepare myself for anything, not a college degree, not a mission, not marriage, certainly not raising God's other children! I quote that overplayed commercial with gusto when I say, "Life comes at you fast."
It's beautiful though. It's comforting to know that things do change, that there's a bright future ahead in this life and the future lives to come. It's comforting to know that it's already been six months since my best friends started leaving on their missions, and I'm grateful to see that I've already accomplished quite a bit since leaving home. It's an incredible feeling to look back at where you were, 2 months, 2 years ago, and then compare it to the person God made you into today. Imagine what He can make in a lifetime.
On a less serious note, time cheating out on its job means that Mondays come even sooner, and then I get to catch up with my lovely best friends, and especially my other half. :) God is merciful. That's enough, if just for today.
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