"Kaitlin, do you wanna play?"
I laughed and scoffed. "Heavens no. I suck at this game, you guys know that! I'm going to lose!"
"Who cares?"
"Just play!"
"Don't make fun of me, alright?"
"We would never make fun."
"Never. Ever. Ever."
"Shut up! Liars!" Despite their claims to innocence, we all knew they would make fun when I ended up in twelfth place. They coaxed me into it anyhow- by some mix of charm and pure peer pressure- and toss me a controller, and I'd pick Peach like I always do. If you're going to be the only girl in a group of guys, you might as well choose the most feminine MarioKart racer there is.
Inevitably I would drive off the track, and they would tease me, and I would bully them right back. I would end up in last place after 6 races and then like a lightswitch their harassing would change its tune. Caught up in the game, they yelled advice and encouragement, and offered consoling words when I lost. Eventually I would give up, and snuggle into Ben's embrace and hand off my controller to someone who could do a better job than I did.
"Good job, Kaitlin!"
"You got eleventh that time! Could be worse!"
"You only drove off the course twice!!! That's a record!"
Safe in Ben's arms, I could watch the rest of the gaming like an old football fan watches the NFL, or like Statler and Waldorf watch the Muppets: an interesting mix of excessive support and rude commentary. Inside jokes were tossed around like candy, candy was passed around like gossip, and gossip didn't exist. We were happy. We partied hardcore. We were probably the biggest losers in the school. But nothing mattered, and these guys were my life preserver in the sea of seventeen-year-old life.
It's nights like tonight, when part of me wants to be with those guys watching the premiere of the Hobbit, that I feel a deep sense of loss. I don't even know the price I would pay to relive one of those stupid nights when nothing happened, and time stood still.
Still I know that the work they are doing now has much more valuable rewards than getting on the podium after three races. Eternal life, the joy of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, life lessons, selfless service and a strengthened belief in God's love are blessings awaiting my boys now. I, myself, am involved in worthy pursuits. I'm proud of them. Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't change a thing! There is no better place than Mexico or Brazil or Thailand or even Arizona. Still that selfish part of me wants them to be home when I knock, so we can head to the basement for a sucky movie and a good chat. Part of me just aches, and its an ache without salve or solution. It just is.
I love them so much.
The reference from the title can be found
here.
Make your own inferences.
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