The Olds and the News

Hello blog! It's been awhile. Life is a bit more busy when you're responsible for making all your own meals, ha!

Life has definitely been moving at the speed of light these past couple weeks, which honestly I'm kind of grateful for! I am busy with schoolwork, and class, and watching more chick flicks than I ever have in my life (thank you, roommates). Just trying to tread water in a new phase of life is difficult! This is the first time I've ever had to balance finance with schooling with money with social life with taking care of myself! I sometimes feel like I'm drowning, but for the majority of the time I'm having a blast.

To all the teachers in high school that swore that college classes were nothing like high school classes, yooo hooo! Yes they are! It's like high school for grownups! There is nothing I'm learning so far that has been extraordinarily difficult. Mostly class just requires a good work ethic! Here's the real truth: college classes are so fun!! My history class especially, and poetry, I really sincerely enjoy! I love going to class!

I love my roommates too! Most of the time. They are such sweethearts. I am amazed by how talented they all are. Every girl in my apartment is gifted and beautiful, but they all come from such different backgrounds. The fact that we get along is either a mercy from God, or a miracle of college, or both. They are teaching me so much, and I am grateful I get to live with some of my best friends.

Speaking of teaching. I can feel myself changing. It simultaneously scares me to death, and liberates me. Things I've never liked before, I sudden find joy in. Things I really used to love are becoming less important. I've discovered how much I really love baking, stupid as that sounds. I somehow like romance movies? I live for a well written, informative textbook. I have no shame in dancing like an idiot through the apartment. The humor I find in innuendos is slowly disappearing. I am more of a homebody. Doing the dishes doesn't bother me anymore. I can look back at my past and see these elements of myself were present, just not pronounced. It's been an interesting adventure; through all the change in my life, I am changing personally as well.

Yet, as always, there are some things that simply don't change. At the top of that list, of course, is the Savior and my love for Him. In math class, we were given words such as wealth, fame, love, education, family, etc. and were required to choose our top five priorities from the list. Then, slowly, we were required cross out four of the words, and find which word was of ultimate importance to us. I found myself staring at the word "faith". The teacher then asked us what we were doing in our lives everyday to reach that goal. The gospel doesn't change. Scripture study continues to structure my life. Prayer continues to be a source of great comfort. The Lord continues to forgive me, every time. God continues to bless and prosper me. Jesus Christ is truly my safe haven in such a tumultuous time of life. He is the rock upon which I, and all people "must build our foundation." (Helaman 5:12) I could not do what I am doing without His support, and His infinite love for me. I know that the Lord is carrying me in the palm of His mighty hand. I just trust Him, and it works out in the end, always.

Taylor is another one of those things that hasn't changed. He has been my loyal friend for three years and he is still a good, patient listener and friend of mine. Despite the fact that we have very little in common, shared experience allows us to trust each other. My mom is still the same wonderful, genius of a woman, who seems to always know what to do with perfect certainty. She still cares for me, even when I am a couple hours away. Ben keeps firm hold of my heart. He still is the primary focus of all my daydreams. I can't believe it's already been over a month since he left. I think of him every day.

Life isn't so bad. I trust in Him, and I know everything will be alright.

Surprisingly Less Horrible Than Originally Thought

SO! College! We'll see how things are when class actually starts, but as for now, I'm really liking it here! My apartment is warm and cozy and full of very friendly flies! I've eaten free meals everyday for the past four days! I've watched quite a bit of tv and movies!

My roommates are wonderful!!! I love them. I love that we are all so incredibly different, with different skill sets and backgrounds, but that somehow all of that melts away and we've become fast friends. We already have a myriad of inside jokes, including but not limited to: fat & sassy Spock, the snap dance, the Princess and the Pauper, and fighting wind gusts. As you can probably deduce, we have already had many adventures in our first four/five days here! It's been a rock-rolling good time.

I failed a test today but I tried to stay positive and focus on the blessings that can come from it. It does add quite a bit of weight to my already very-extremely-stressed-out mindset, but it's all good hearty learning experiences. I'm also discovering that my cooking skills, and more particularly my motivation to exercise my cooking skills, is greatly lacking. I'm mildly concerned about my work ethic, my insufficient funds, and my ability to succeed with so many demanding classes. But! Through all of this, I know that the Lord is aware of me, and is blessing me greatly. I love the Lord more and more every day. He truly carries me. When I feel like my vision is clouded or the burden is just too much, I can pray to Him and know that He knows all things, and can provide the comfort and the spiritual hug that I honestly really need. I am always in sincere need of a good hug. Ever since Ben left, gorgamous guy.

Tomorrow is email day! And there's nothing I could possibly need or want more than a wonderful, comforting, beautiful email from the love of my life. I worry about him alllll the time. What with McKai and Taft leaving tomorrow, I'll have even more people to worry about! It's ridiculous. The Lord is truly testing my faith in His plan, ha! No, I know He has it all under control. That doesn't mean that I don't miss Ben more and more every day.

I'm scared to forget. I really am. I'm scared to forget the wonderful times we had. I'm scared to forget how he laughs at stupid things, or how he makes everything alright somehow through magic. I don't want to forget his voice, or his grin, or his eyes when they become sincere and so so blue. I hope he is adjusting as well as I have. I hope he's happy. Tomorrow is the moment of truth! I'm getting all stuffy and sad now, and I shouldn't be! All's well. Big adventures tomorrow. Another day to depend on the Lord to guide me through the ocean in my boat that is tight as a dish.

Day One College Lyfe

So! College! Yes!

It's frightening. And overwhelming. And frankly I have no idea what I'm doing! BUT! I have decided that progression is of God. It is important to do hard things  in order to progress, because God is always seeking to do more! So although I've got the pants scared off me right now, I understand that this is a necessary step to becoming a better person and to going forward with life, and living my dreams. I am taking one step closer to being an adult and a mom!

I know that every big step I take will be very scary! I also know that God is taking care of me and He will bless me with strength to carry on through all these big transitions. He carried the pioneers across plains to places they've never been. He helped the Jaredites cross the ocean in boats they'd never even built before! He helped Moses bring the Israelites through the Red Sea! Likewise, I know, that He will protect me and uphold me!


I CAN do hard things! I'm excited to see what the world holds for me, and all the new experiences college will bring.

A Very Long Melodramatic Post

I was reading some other blogs today and I realized that I am really lacking in the eloquent and/or thought-provoking writing style. I'm going to try to write more maturely and concisely so that I make more sense for you and less sense for me!

...I'm already failing. Ha!!

So anyhow. I got my email and mini-chat session with Ben today! He's seeming a little more discouraged than he has before. He also said he just needed to talk with a real friend, so I think he probably needed to vent and get all that worry and frustration out of his system before heading back for another week. Which I can totally understand. (Sorry guys.)

Truth is, it's our eight month anniversary tomorrow! Happy anniversary to us! Eight months doesn't sound that long, but neither does three weeks, and it feels like Ben has been gone for an ETERNITY. Wow. Time is a fickle thing. It seems to run too fast when life is enjoyable, and then deliberately slows it's pace when things are less so. Either way, eight months is nothing to sneeze at, considering we lasted through the end of high school and through an (almost) month of mission! I hope we can last for a lot longer, but everything is so uncertain right now. I'm trying not to make promises, sad as it sounds.

I still love him. I love him more than I did eight months ago, when my head was whirling because he had finally kissed me. I love him more than I did three months ago, when he specifically took off work so he could come to see my final choir concert, which was so important to me. I love him more than I did three weeks ago when I was savoring every last moment before we said goodbye. It's probably good that I had no idea what I was getting into that day. It's been so hard without my best friend there to support me and comfort me as I'm going through such a huge life-changing step. But I'm being selfish again. After all that Ben has done for me, and all the hours he has put in for me, everything he's given up, every time he's compromised or been patient or forgiven me for something stupid, he deserves my attention and my prayers. The Lord needs him. The Lord needs him more than I need him right now. I forget to focus on the big picture, but I truly am so grateful that he is the kind of man who would put everything on hold to serve his God, and to serve other people. He is such a good example and inspiration to me. I know God is blessing both of us, and God will help us to do hard things.

Oh and besides all of this crap I'm leaving for college on Friday. Have I mentioned I'm totally freaking out?! I'm totally FREAKING OUT. There are so many variables in this huge, complication equation called college; I don't know what to do with myself! How do I plan if I have no idea what to expect? It drives me nuts! I feel like I'm almost as prepared as I could be physically, but I am nowhere near where I need to be emotionally. If you know me, you know that being emotionally balanced is the most important thing of all! Gee. And the anticipation is killing me. I just want it to be over with, and then whatever happens, happens. I can deal with things in the moment. Planning and waiting and planning and waiting is less helpful! I have resorted to my breathing exercises for my anxiety. If this doesn't give me a panic attack, nothing will.

I have been so negative this post! There are three amazing blessings I would like to touch on! One, is my dear practically-brother Taylor. He is going to Snow College with me and can I just say I am so grateful to at least have one friend that I can count on to take with me. He has been supportive and patient and overall very wonderful and Kaitlin-tolerating lately, even though I'm a bit of a mess. Two, is my dear family. Between my ridiculous and loving sister, my overprotective mom, and my gentle support of a dad, (also Jared the comic relief) I really have it made. I should have nothing to worry about because my family has been planning and helping and doing wonderful things to make the transition easier. Where would we be without family?! Nowhere I tell you! Nowhere! Finally, the temple. A wonderful, clean, quiet place of peace where I can just... breathe. I love Oquirrh Mountain, I really do. It was great to go there today. Yeah... nice. Real nice.

So the Lord makes sure there is a way through all my crap. He is so good to me, to us. I'm grateful for the little things that my Father in Heaven gives me, my tender mercies to get through the day. I'm glad that I blog about all this stuff because I realize what a hand He has had in my life after I write about it all. Another blessing from a benevolent Father. :)

It's Tuesday, You Know What That Means!

Tomorrow is Wednesday!

Taft's Faring Well

Taft's mission farewell was today! He doesn't leave for another week and a half or so but chose to do his farewell today because McKai's farewell is next week and he graciously wanted all of us to be able to come to both.

For me this was another crazy awakening. When I met Taft in sophomore year, he was a scrawny, shy, acne-ridden teenager. Today, he looked amazing in his new suit, accented by a huge grin and confidence. He spoke with such certainty on the topic of faith. Some moments, he would say things and his eyes would glint with testimony and strength. Wow. It was really beautiful for me, actually, stupid as that sounds. Getting to glimpse Taft's future, knowing the amazing things he will do for the Lord, it's just.. wonderful.

Although I really have no right to claim any of their success or maturity, I feel sort of responsible for all of these young men. While obviously their parents, leaders, and personal testimonies have shaped them into the people they are today much more than I ever could, I still sometimes wonder if my friendship has contributed at all. Regardless, I've seen them all grow up so much in the past two years that they hold an undeniable place in my heart. It's both sad and fulfilling to see them go on to serve missions and to take a step towards their awesome futures. I'm like a proud parent. "Go....grow up." hahaha

So that was a fantastic way to spend the Sabbath. The cheesecake bites and nachos were just a bonus.

Oh and by the way...

FIVE DAYS UNTIL COLLEGE.
*ensue heart attack*

Yeah, I am so not ready.

Much To Be Grateful For

It's Wednesday again! You know what that means? Yes! Letters from my love! And while I miss him an incredible amount, I was so happy to hear from him!! He's doing alright! He says he's getting taken care of which means my prayers are getting answered. Thank goodness.

And I am sick. Ha! At first I assumed it was just some sniffles from crying but now it's getting worse haha! Yay for modern medicine!

Last night I spent the night after work with Taylor and Mckai and we had a good chat until 2am, which, looking back, was probably not the best thing for my sickness but it was a very teenager-y yolo moment. I'm glad I have good friends that stand by me and I can trust.

And my mother continues to look out for me and look into getting college stuff ready which I haven't even thought about. I don't know where I'd be without her. Especially with all her delicious dinners.
 
Count your blessings today children: your loved ones are safe, you have good friends, good family, good food and by golly God has given us medicine!!

What Is That Disgusting Smell? Oh Yes, It's Anticipation.

Good morning! I have a teensy case of the sniffles today but it's the Sabbath and so it's all good!

Yesterday I enjoyed a great fun day with my extended family at Willard Bay! I got to ride a jetski which was way fun! But mostly I enjoyed chatting with my cousins, namely Benjamin and Stacy and Brennon. Also just being with my own family was fun! I admittedly ate way too many snacks though!

Work has been alright, and this is my last week! My last day is this Friday, and then so-loooong Baskin Robbins! I'm stoked! As I was filling out my tithing slip this morning I realized that tips go a long way, and that I really need to go to the bank and exchange all my ones! Bahahaha I have like fifty dollars in just ones! It's a funny little problem to have.

Somehow this week I think I accomplished getting my college schedule solidified. Quitting work this week means that college is coming up very quickly! Which is simultaneously exciting and terrifying. My cousin says that "Anything worth doing is going to be scary!" so I'm trusting his advice. I'm excited to get cracking on college because it means I'm going to be freakishly busy; I kind of crave that schedule after a long summer of moping about and having nothing to do. It will help me feel like I'm accomplishing something and help me get my mind off Ben and the fact that he's not here.

Of course it will be hard. I'm taking a full load of 16 credits and I'm hoping to work as well. Combine that with a new campus and living on my own for the first time, and I'm sure I'll be posting about mental breakdowns in a few short weeks! Ha! Life is crazy. Life is so crazy. But! The only way out is through, as I always say. (I never say that.)

And yay! It's already Sunday! Have I mentioned that? That means I get letters tomorrow!

Sigh. So things are rolling, long story short.

Oh! And spiritually I've been knocked around lately. I don't know why I'm just struggling with things. But the scriptures are awesome. And I know that Jesus Christ lives and loves me, so no matter how I'm feeling, I know that He is there. He promises that He will not leave us comfortless or abandon us. I know that even though right now I don't see His plan, someday I'll look back and realize what great works the Lord has done for me! I should hit up the temple this week. :)