I have some girls in my life who are currently struggling with relationships. I'm blogging about this because it has been bothering me so much that I just need to get it out of my system. So here's some pointers/suggestions/advice that might change your life. Or they might not.
1. Sitting at home will never get you a date.
You think guys will find you? You think guys should just know how cool you are, call you up out of the blue, and sweep you off your feet? They won't. To get a date, you have to be present in their lives. They have to think about you, like, at least once. They will never think about you if you don't talk to them. They will never think about you if you don't go out with friends, or go to social activities. Sitting at home might get you a date with Netflix, but ain't nobody gonna be a callin' for you.
2. Relationships are not for you.
This one took me a lot of dating to figure out, and I think I learned this lesson mostly because of my best friend. He is selfless. He is so much better than I am. Being in a committed relationship is not about having someone who loves you sincerely. It's about dedicating yourself to taking care of your significant other. It's about being there whether they are lonely or sad or driving you completely insane. When you say "I love you," you're really saying "I'll be there for you."
3. Get rid of the Prince Charming stereotype
I think this is so funny. Girls are all about "Guys need to understand that girls aren't perfect." "He needs to love me for me, regardless of if I'm wearing sweats or a prom dress." "He's looking for 'the one' in all the wrong places." If you're gonna make men hold to that standard, you need to hold to that standard yourself. Stop being shallow! Guys aren't perfect either! Most guys are a little flabby, smell bad after the gym, and don't sing on key! If you're only open to rom-com-protagonist kind of guys, you're out of luck! They don't exist! This closely ties into
4. Romantic comedies are not real life
No guy will EVER EVER run through the airport, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers and screaming your name to stop you from getting on that plane.* He won't say something smooth like, "You are my fantasy," and grab you by the waist and kiss you in the door-frame. (Austenland, anyone?) In actuality, he's gonna be awkward and he might not even kiss you for the first five dates! It's not going to be fall-in-love-and-happily-ever-after-in-45-minutes sort of deal! Relationships take work, communication, and trust. You have to build a friendship underneath the romance, and that takes time and patience.
5. Maybe you suck at communicating
Contrary to popular belief, men are not stupid. It's not like they're too dense to comprehend your complicated flirting attempts. Maybe instead of excusing yourself, saying "Guys just don't get the message!" you should take a good hard look at yourself. Did you really make your intention straightforward? Stop being wussy and beating around the bush. Stop dropping all these contradictory "hints." Be brave, and be honest with the guy! Guys want to make you happy! They can make you happy if they know how. Sometimes good old frankness can be really beneficial.
6. Romance is not like calculus
There isn't some magic formula to getting a date. Everybody is different! And love can't be scripted- that takes all the fun out of it! Sometimes things just.. happen! Don't put all your faith in self-help books or your courtship and marriage class. You live and you learn. There are no perfect questions to ask on a date. Trust yourself and trust the other person. Trust that love comes by itself sometimes. Of course there are things to increase your chances, but there is no bonafide recipe to a successful relationship.
7. To be loved, you have to love yourself
Dress nicely. Wear natural, nice-looking makeup. Do your hair. Work out regularly. Do well in school. Have some cool hobbies. Be interesting! Go out, have big experiences! You'll make friends, and you'll also be someone worth knowing. You are likeable! Embrace YOU. Guys will like you if you're happy, confident, and loving life.
This list is subject to change. I might add more points. But this should get you started.
*Some guys might, I guess. But that's the exception, not the rule.
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