Yesterday in my institute class, my teacher was presenting on the law of chastity. On the topic of modesty and with all good intentions, he said, "Just be modest. Don't be someone else's pornography." I have a problem with this. Being me, it's been stewing in my brain for the last twenty-four hours, and you know what that means.
As I was growing up, my Young Women* teachers always tried to come up with new ways to encourage the girls to be modest. Most often, their argument was along the lines of this:
"You need to be modest so you don't distract the boys."
Somehow this never resonated with me. Why should I take so much extra care/time/money to dress to LDS modesty standards just to protect guys I don't know from thinking bad thoughts? It didn't seem fair. It didn't seem right.
And as I've thought about it, I've decided that it's not right. It's not right to make young girls feel responsible for the purity of their male peers. If it's a woman's job to keep men in line, what is the job of men? It denies personal accountability. And here's a side note: if girls are told all their lives that they are responsible for dressing and acting appropriately in order to safeguard the chastity of men, what happens when they find out that all the fellas they know are involved in pornography? Somehow this pattern of thinking makes women feel responsible for things they are not responsible for. It creates pain, guilt, and confusion. What is wrong with women if they've been dressing modestly and their friends still turn to pornography? Maybe they're not pretty enough, not righteous enough, not good enough to keep men (or anyone) from lustful thoughts.
But these people are missing the boat on the whole modesty thing. Modesty is not a protection against the lust of other people. Modesty is a matter of self-respect and covenant with God.
I remember one time I was with my step-mom and my dad. We were attending a quincenera for a family friend, and we were one of the few members in attendance. As we walked into the party, I immediately felt self-conscious. Every girl there was my age, and they were all wearing a very trendy style of strapless dress. Meanwhile, I was hiding behind my parents in hopes that we could successfully get to a table without my peers seeing my much-less-fashionable dress that obviously and completely covered my shoulders. As the night wore on, my mami and me sat at the table and watched the dancing. Suddenly she turned to me, and said, "Kaitlin, look at all these girls. Every time they dance they have to pull up their dresses. They are scared. They may be cool, but you and I have class."
That idea has stayed with me since that day. There is something beautiful about a girl who can hold her head high in what she's wearing. It's a matter of having respect for yourself. Modesty helps you deal with people comfortably, without any fear. I have never once regretted dressing modestly, but I have regretted wearing borderline outfits. Constantly tugging and pulling at your clothes is no way to spend a party.
But being comfortable (and having class, as my mami said it) is just a bonus to the real reason we should teach girls to dress modestly. Young women should dress modestly because it is preparation for a sacred covenant. There's no better time than now to get in the habit- and make a commitment- to always dress appropriately. Current styles are going to reach farther and farther from God's commandment, but God's standard for His children will not change. It's time to accept that Mormon girls are going to dress differently than the girls not of our faith. We shouldn't be ashamed of this, we should be proud. Modesty is an outward manifestation of an inward covenant. Our bodies are sacred, and we should respect them as such.
*The Young Women program is designed for girls aged 12-18. It focuses on finding testimony and cultivating Christlike attributes.
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