Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Addendum: It will all go wrong at the same time.
Wow. This week has been killer. And not in the good way hahah. I really feel like everything in the world is working against me. But in God's mercy, I got to Church today and had just this amazing feeling of peace and pure love. I got a little guidance, a little comfort. It was a three hour oasis.
I've been thinking a lot lately about being brave enough to accept help. It's hard sometimes! It's hard to go to your friends and family and say, "Look. I can't do this by myself." I want so badly to stand on my own feet and take care of myself, but when the wind is buffeting me like it is, it's a little too much to handle alone. But who to ask? Who to talk to? It's all very confusing to me, but I'm slowly learning that it's okay to let people serve you. I am never inconvenienced when someone asks me for help; I'm always more than happy to help others! And yet I can't bring myself to ask. Isn't that weird? Jesus wants us to all serve and love each other, but there has to be some recipient of said service and love, right?! I'm going to try to be better about asking for help when I need it.
I know with all my heart that Jesus Christ loves us, and He wants us to come to Him. When the world is full of darkness and confusion, Jesus Christ asks us to fix our eyes on Him. Only Him. He wants us to forget about the sin and ugliness of the world and keep our gaze on His face. He is full of love, grace, truth, kindness, mercy, clarity, peace, and happiness. Through Him, all things are made right. With the love of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, we can overcome any hardship. They have provided us with a great blessing: friends and family that love us. They want us to succeed. By letting them serve us, we are taking advantage of God's greatest blessing.
So let's, you and I, be a little better about asking for much needed help this week.
Quote of the Day
"I'm depressed every day that I don't have sugar in my mouth." -Jennie Jarrett
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Let's Talk About Modesty
Yesterday in my institute class, my teacher was presenting on the law of chastity. On the topic of modesty and with all good intentions, he said, "Just be modest. Don't be someone else's pornography." I have a problem with this. Being me, it's been stewing in my brain for the last twenty-four hours, and you know what that means.
As I was growing up, my Young Women* teachers always tried to come up with new ways to encourage the girls to be modest. Most often, their argument was along the lines of this:
"You need to be modest so you don't distract the boys."
Somehow this never resonated with me. Why should I take so much extra care/time/money to dress to LDS modesty standards just to protect guys I don't know from thinking bad thoughts? It didn't seem fair. It didn't seem right.
And as I've thought about it, I've decided that it's not right. It's not right to make young girls feel responsible for the purity of their male peers. If it's a woman's job to keep men in line, what is the job of men? It denies personal accountability. And here's a side note: if girls are told all their lives that they are responsible for dressing and acting appropriately in order to safeguard the chastity of men, what happens when they find out that all the fellas they know are involved in pornography? Somehow this pattern of thinking makes women feel responsible for things they are not responsible for. It creates pain, guilt, and confusion. What is wrong with women if they've been dressing modestly and their friends still turn to pornography? Maybe they're not pretty enough, not righteous enough, not good enough to keep men (or anyone) from lustful thoughts.
But these people are missing the boat on the whole modesty thing. Modesty is not a protection against the lust of other people. Modesty is a matter of self-respect and covenant with God.
I remember one time I was with my step-mom and my dad. We were attending a quincenera for a family friend, and we were one of the few members in attendance. As we walked into the party, I immediately felt self-conscious. Every girl there was my age, and they were all wearing a very trendy style of strapless dress. Meanwhile, I was hiding behind my parents in hopes that we could successfully get to a table without my peers seeing my much-less-fashionable dress that obviously and completely covered my shoulders. As the night wore on, my mami and me sat at the table and watched the dancing. Suddenly she turned to me, and said, "Kaitlin, look at all these girls. Every time they dance they have to pull up their dresses. They are scared. They may be cool, but you and I have class."
That idea has stayed with me since that day. There is something beautiful about a girl who can hold her head high in what she's wearing. It's a matter of having respect for yourself. Modesty helps you deal with people comfortably, without any fear. I have never once regretted dressing modestly, but I have regretted wearing borderline outfits. Constantly tugging and pulling at your clothes is no way to spend a party.
But being comfortable (and having class, as my mami said it) is just a bonus to the real reason we should teach girls to dress modestly. Young women should dress modestly because it is preparation for a sacred covenant. There's no better time than now to get in the habit- and make a commitment- to always dress appropriately. Current styles are going to reach farther and farther from God's commandment, but God's standard for His children will not change. It's time to accept that Mormon girls are going to dress differently than the girls not of our faith. We shouldn't be ashamed of this, we should be proud. Modesty is an outward manifestation of an inward covenant. Our bodies are sacred, and we should respect them as such.
*The Young Women program is designed for girls aged 12-18. It focuses on finding testimony and cultivating Christlike attributes.
As I was growing up, my Young Women* teachers always tried to come up with new ways to encourage the girls to be modest. Most often, their argument was along the lines of this:
"You need to be modest so you don't distract the boys."
Somehow this never resonated with me. Why should I take so much extra care/time/money to dress to LDS modesty standards just to protect guys I don't know from thinking bad thoughts? It didn't seem fair. It didn't seem right.
And as I've thought about it, I've decided that it's not right. It's not right to make young girls feel responsible for the purity of their male peers. If it's a woman's job to keep men in line, what is the job of men? It denies personal accountability. And here's a side note: if girls are told all their lives that they are responsible for dressing and acting appropriately in order to safeguard the chastity of men, what happens when they find out that all the fellas they know are involved in pornography? Somehow this pattern of thinking makes women feel responsible for things they are not responsible for. It creates pain, guilt, and confusion. What is wrong with women if they've been dressing modestly and their friends still turn to pornography? Maybe they're not pretty enough, not righteous enough, not good enough to keep men (or anyone) from lustful thoughts.
But these people are missing the boat on the whole modesty thing. Modesty is not a protection against the lust of other people. Modesty is a matter of self-respect and covenant with God.
I remember one time I was with my step-mom and my dad. We were attending a quincenera for a family friend, and we were one of the few members in attendance. As we walked into the party, I immediately felt self-conscious. Every girl there was my age, and they were all wearing a very trendy style of strapless dress. Meanwhile, I was hiding behind my parents in hopes that we could successfully get to a table without my peers seeing my much-less-fashionable dress that obviously and completely covered my shoulders. As the night wore on, my mami and me sat at the table and watched the dancing. Suddenly she turned to me, and said, "Kaitlin, look at all these girls. Every time they dance they have to pull up their dresses. They are scared. They may be cool, but you and I have class."
That idea has stayed with me since that day. There is something beautiful about a girl who can hold her head high in what she's wearing. It's a matter of having respect for yourself. Modesty helps you deal with people comfortably, without any fear. I have never once regretted dressing modestly, but I have regretted wearing borderline outfits. Constantly tugging and pulling at your clothes is no way to spend a party.
But being comfortable (and having class, as my mami said it) is just a bonus to the real reason we should teach girls to dress modestly. Young women should dress modestly because it is preparation for a sacred covenant. There's no better time than now to get in the habit- and make a commitment- to always dress appropriately. Current styles are going to reach farther and farther from God's commandment, but God's standard for His children will not change. It's time to accept that Mormon girls are going to dress differently than the girls not of our faith. We shouldn't be ashamed of this, we should be proud. Modesty is an outward manifestation of an inward covenant. Our bodies are sacred, and we should respect them as such.
*The Young Women program is designed for girls aged 12-18. It focuses on finding testimony and cultivating Christlike attributes.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Take it Or Leave It
I have some girls in my life who are currently struggling with relationships. I'm blogging about this because it has been bothering me so much that I just need to get it out of my system. So here's some pointers/suggestions/advice that might change your life. Or they might not.
1. Sitting at home will never get you a date.
You think guys will find you? You think guys should just know how cool you are, call you up out of the blue, and sweep you off your feet? They won't. To get a date, you have to be present in their lives. They have to think about you, like, at least once. They will never think about you if you don't talk to them. They will never think about you if you don't go out with friends, or go to social activities. Sitting at home might get you a date with Netflix, but ain't nobody gonna be a callin' for you.
2. Relationships are not for you.
This one took me a lot of dating to figure out, and I think I learned this lesson mostly because of my best friend. He is selfless. He is so much better than I am. Being in a committed relationship is not about having someone who loves you sincerely. It's about dedicating yourself to taking care of your significant other. It's about being there whether they are lonely or sad or driving you completely insane. When you say "I love you," you're really saying "I'll be there for you."
3. Get rid of the Prince Charming stereotype
I think this is so funny. Girls are all about "Guys need to understand that girls aren't perfect." "He needs to love me for me, regardless of if I'm wearing sweats or a prom dress." "He's looking for 'the one' in all the wrong places." If you're gonna make men hold to that standard, you need to hold to that standard yourself. Stop being shallow! Guys aren't perfect either! Most guys are a little flabby, smell bad after the gym, and don't sing on key! If you're only open to rom-com-protagonist kind of guys, you're out of luck! They don't exist! This closely ties into
4. Romantic comedies are not real life
No guy will EVER EVER run through the airport, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers and screaming your name to stop you from getting on that plane.* He won't say something smooth like, "You are my fantasy," and grab you by the waist and kiss you in the door-frame. (Austenland, anyone?) In actuality, he's gonna be awkward and he might not even kiss you for the first five dates! It's not going to be fall-in-love-and-happily-ever-after-in-45-minutes sort of deal! Relationships take work, communication, and trust. You have to build a friendship underneath the romance, and that takes time and patience.
5. Maybe you suck at communicating
Contrary to popular belief, men are not stupid. It's not like they're too dense to comprehend your complicated flirting attempts. Maybe instead of excusing yourself, saying "Guys just don't get the message!" you should take a good hard look at yourself. Did you really make your intention straightforward? Stop being wussy and beating around the bush. Stop dropping all these contradictory "hints." Be brave, and be honest with the guy! Guys want to make you happy! They can make you happy if they know how. Sometimes good old frankness can be really beneficial.
6. Romance is not like calculus
There isn't some magic formula to getting a date. Everybody is different! And love can't be scripted- that takes all the fun out of it! Sometimes things just.. happen! Don't put all your faith in self-help books or your courtship and marriage class. You live and you learn. There are no perfect questions to ask on a date. Trust yourself and trust the other person. Trust that love comes by itself sometimes. Of course there are things to increase your chances, but there is no bonafide recipe to a successful relationship.
7. To be loved, you have to love yourself
Dress nicely. Wear natural, nice-looking makeup. Do your hair. Work out regularly. Do well in school. Have some cool hobbies. Be interesting! Go out, have big experiences! You'll make friends, and you'll also be someone worth knowing. You are likeable! Embrace YOU. Guys will like you if you're happy, confident, and loving life.
This list is subject to change. I might add more points. But this should get you started.
*Some guys might, I guess. But that's the exception, not the rule.
1. Sitting at home will never get you a date.
You think guys will find you? You think guys should just know how cool you are, call you up out of the blue, and sweep you off your feet? They won't. To get a date, you have to be present in their lives. They have to think about you, like, at least once. They will never think about you if you don't talk to them. They will never think about you if you don't go out with friends, or go to social activities. Sitting at home might get you a date with Netflix, but ain't nobody gonna be a callin' for you.
2. Relationships are not for you.
This one took me a lot of dating to figure out, and I think I learned this lesson mostly because of my best friend. He is selfless. He is so much better than I am. Being in a committed relationship is not about having someone who loves you sincerely. It's about dedicating yourself to taking care of your significant other. It's about being there whether they are lonely or sad or driving you completely insane. When you say "I love you," you're really saying "I'll be there for you."
3. Get rid of the Prince Charming stereotype
I think this is so funny. Girls are all about "Guys need to understand that girls aren't perfect." "He needs to love me for me, regardless of if I'm wearing sweats or a prom dress." "He's looking for 'the one' in all the wrong places." If you're gonna make men hold to that standard, you need to hold to that standard yourself. Stop being shallow! Guys aren't perfect either! Most guys are a little flabby, smell bad after the gym, and don't sing on key! If you're only open to rom-com-protagonist kind of guys, you're out of luck! They don't exist! This closely ties into
4. Romantic comedies are not real life
No guy will EVER EVER run through the airport, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers and screaming your name to stop you from getting on that plane.* He won't say something smooth like, "You are my fantasy," and grab you by the waist and kiss you in the door-frame. (Austenland, anyone?) In actuality, he's gonna be awkward and he might not even kiss you for the first five dates! It's not going to be fall-in-love-and-happily-ever-after-in-45-minutes sort of deal! Relationships take work, communication, and trust. You have to build a friendship underneath the romance, and that takes time and patience.
5. Maybe you suck at communicating
Contrary to popular belief, men are not stupid. It's not like they're too dense to comprehend your complicated flirting attempts. Maybe instead of excusing yourself, saying "Guys just don't get the message!" you should take a good hard look at yourself. Did you really make your intention straightforward? Stop being wussy and beating around the bush. Stop dropping all these contradictory "hints." Be brave, and be honest with the guy! Guys want to make you happy! They can make you happy if they know how. Sometimes good old frankness can be really beneficial.
6. Romance is not like calculus
There isn't some magic formula to getting a date. Everybody is different! And love can't be scripted- that takes all the fun out of it! Sometimes things just.. happen! Don't put all your faith in self-help books or your courtship and marriage class. You live and you learn. There are no perfect questions to ask on a date. Trust yourself and trust the other person. Trust that love comes by itself sometimes. Of course there are things to increase your chances, but there is no bonafide recipe to a successful relationship.
7. To be loved, you have to love yourself
Dress nicely. Wear natural, nice-looking makeup. Do your hair. Work out regularly. Do well in school. Have some cool hobbies. Be interesting! Go out, have big experiences! You'll make friends, and you'll also be someone worth knowing. You are likeable! Embrace YOU. Guys will like you if you're happy, confident, and loving life.
This list is subject to change. I might add more points. But this should get you started.
*Some guys might, I guess. But that's the exception, not the rule.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
.JPG)
Friday, February 13, 2015
Rambling
My roommate found her way to my blog address and I realized how heavy all of my posts have been lately! Like a funeral march, gee! So I apologize to whomever reads this. I admit, it's probably not going to get better, but probably get even heavier in the next couple of months.
This week has been a crazy one. I've been dating a bunch and failing school. Ben offered a gem of advice in his email this week:"If you stop caring so much about boys you might get your homework done... just saying." Ha! The only problem is that I don't care about boys. They care about me. ;) Kidding! No it's been good. Weird but good, I suppose. Except the failing school part. I've never been a failing student, but currently my grades match the food in my fridge- whatever is in there is gone bad. On top of all this, my tall roommate and I have come down with some kind of horrible sinus pressure. What can I say? It's been an amazing past few days!
Now it's Valentine's tomorrow and I actually have plans. On top of that, it's a long weekend. I'm feeling fresh tonight hah! Unfortunately I will have to spend the majority of my days off desperately trying to figure out how to do physics. I can't figure it out to save my life. (Maybe it has to do with my exceptionally poor spacial awareness?) I don't know why I'm even blogging about this. None of this is really important. Maybe I need to take an ibuprofen and go to bed. I'm gonna post this anyways. #yolo
Oh! Another thing that might be of some interest! Today my roommates made me get on a bicycle for the first time since I was in fourth grade. I scraped up my legs a little bit, but it was okay. I think bikes are terrifying. I never want to ride one again. But I did it anyways. We have a quote on our fridge that says "Do one thing every day that scares you." I've actually tried to live my life in accordance with that quote, but that's irrelevant to today's post. Point is, I got on the bike. I rode it down the street. I didn't die. Success! Also my reward was frozen yogurt, so it wasn't too bad. That's enough, if just for today.
This week has been a crazy one. I've been dating a bunch and failing school. Ben offered a gem of advice in his email this week:"If you stop caring so much about boys you might get your homework done... just saying." Ha! The only problem is that I don't care about boys. They care about me. ;) Kidding! No it's been good. Weird but good, I suppose. Except the failing school part. I've never been a failing student, but currently my grades match the food in my fridge- whatever is in there is gone bad. On top of all this, my tall roommate and I have come down with some kind of horrible sinus pressure. What can I say? It's been an amazing past few days!
Now it's Valentine's tomorrow and I actually have plans. On top of that, it's a long weekend. I'm feeling fresh tonight hah! Unfortunately I will have to spend the majority of my days off desperately trying to figure out how to do physics. I can't figure it out to save my life. (Maybe it has to do with my exceptionally poor spacial awareness?) I don't know why I'm even blogging about this. None of this is really important. Maybe I need to take an ibuprofen and go to bed. I'm gonna post this anyways. #yolo
Oh! Another thing that might be of some interest! Today my roommates made me get on a bicycle for the first time since I was in fourth grade. I scraped up my legs a little bit, but it was okay. I think bikes are terrifying. I never want to ride one again. But I did it anyways. We have a quote on our fridge that says "Do one thing every day that scares you." I've actually tried to live my life in accordance with that quote, but that's irrelevant to today's post. Point is, I got on the bike. I rode it down the street. I didn't die. Success! Also my reward was frozen yogurt, so it wasn't too bad. That's enough, if just for today.
Monday, February 9, 2015
A Word on Pornography
There is something beautiful and tenderly sacred about a romantic relationship between a man and a woman. There is no richer association. Pure love is one of the most amazing gifts our Father in Heaven could have offered His children. It is kind. It is selfless. It is precious. Men and women were made for each other, literally built for each other. God has given His children an amazing responsibility to find and nurture this love in order to create families. We understand families to be the unit of the heavens. Think about that for a minute. In the eternities, the God of Gods prizes family over anything else. Prizes pure, sacred love between husband and wife, and in addition their love for their children above ANYTHING else. No creation comes close. No other idea, philosophy or ideal comes above the family. Incredibly, God's entire purpose- the Being who created limitless worlds, universes, galaxies; the Being who holds all power and all knowledge and all experience- CHOOSES to dedicate Himself solely to the continuation of the family. There is nothing in this life or any other life that will come close to the emotions that are created when you truly, honestly love someone. When you dedicate yourself to caring for someone else, you somehow find the best version of yourself.
As usual, there is one contrary to the God of Love. His favorite game is to take something wonderful and twist it into the opposite, kindly packaging it under a false name.
Pornography. Is. Not. Love.
Let's take everything that makes relationships between man and woman fulfilling. Honesty becomes sitting behind closed doors and darkening your screen, checking to make sure someone isn't at the door. Honesty becomes secrets, lying to your family and your friends and your other half and telling them that you are faithful. Dedication becomes addiction. Craving to get online, trying to find yourself alone so that no one will see. Dedication becomes fear, deleting your search history day after day and month after month. Integrity becomes shame. Shame that you couldn't control yourself for one day. Shame when you realize you always need more than you had last time and you always have to go a little farther. Lying, shameful, unholy habits that change who you are and how you think.
If it was just personal, then maybe I could get by without blogging about it. But pornography doesn't end with one person.
Someday everyone you know is going to find out. Your daughters, sisters, girlfriend, spouse, your mother, your best friend. Imagine their faces when they realize that you have corrupted yourself with something so filthy. Pornography is exploiting human beings. Women. People who are given the special gift of tenderness, nurturing and caring for the human race. You are defiling one of God's most beautiful creations. And as you look in the face of your little sister, or your best friend, someone who has cared for you in your time of need and you realize that you can't look them in the eye because you know what you've done.
So to hell with everyone who ever said that pornography is "just for fun" or "no big deal". "No big deal" when you shatter the heart of every woman close to you. "Just for fun" to see tears streak down their faces. They can't trust you. They'll never trust you again, for how can they trust someone who lied to their face and pretended everything was okay. It was not okay. This is not something you can just shove under a table and pretend like it didn't happen. You are destroying your own soul and distancing yourself from everyone who loves you. You are killing your family.
In a society where intimacy is cheapened, families are ripped apart and love is falsified, Jesus Christ is the only healing agent. He alone can mend a broken spirit. He alone can grant ability to turn sin to strength. Jesus Christ atoned that we through Him might be saved. I would be wrong if I said that forgiveness can't be attained, relationships can't be mended, or trust could not be reinstated. Through Christ all things are possible. If you ask, you shall receive. The time to change is now. Jesus Christ always waits with willing arms to receive you into His love. Because He is perfect, Christ always loves with perfect love, judges rightly, and acts mercifully. You can humbly turn to Him for restitution and He will help you. His arm is indeed stretched out still.
As usual, there is one contrary to the God of Love. His favorite game is to take something wonderful and twist it into the opposite, kindly packaging it under a false name.
Pornography. Is. Not. Love.
Let's take everything that makes relationships between man and woman fulfilling. Honesty becomes sitting behind closed doors and darkening your screen, checking to make sure someone isn't at the door. Honesty becomes secrets, lying to your family and your friends and your other half and telling them that you are faithful. Dedication becomes addiction. Craving to get online, trying to find yourself alone so that no one will see. Dedication becomes fear, deleting your search history day after day and month after month. Integrity becomes shame. Shame that you couldn't control yourself for one day. Shame when you realize you always need more than you had last time and you always have to go a little farther. Lying, shameful, unholy habits that change who you are and how you think.
If it was just personal, then maybe I could get by without blogging about it. But pornography doesn't end with one person.
Someday everyone you know is going to find out. Your daughters, sisters, girlfriend, spouse, your mother, your best friend. Imagine their faces when they realize that you have corrupted yourself with something so filthy. Pornography is exploiting human beings. Women. People who are given the special gift of tenderness, nurturing and caring for the human race. You are defiling one of God's most beautiful creations. And as you look in the face of your little sister, or your best friend, someone who has cared for you in your time of need and you realize that you can't look them in the eye because you know what you've done.
So to hell with everyone who ever said that pornography is "just for fun" or "no big deal". "No big deal" when you shatter the heart of every woman close to you. "Just for fun" to see tears streak down their faces. They can't trust you. They'll never trust you again, for how can they trust someone who lied to their face and pretended everything was okay. It was not okay. This is not something you can just shove under a table and pretend like it didn't happen. You are destroying your own soul and distancing yourself from everyone who loves you. You are killing your family.
In a society where intimacy is cheapened, families are ripped apart and love is falsified, Jesus Christ is the only healing agent. He alone can mend a broken spirit. He alone can grant ability to turn sin to strength. Jesus Christ atoned that we through Him might be saved. I would be wrong if I said that forgiveness can't be attained, relationships can't be mended, or trust could not be reinstated. Through Christ all things are possible. If you ask, you shall receive. The time to change is now. Jesus Christ always waits with willing arms to receive you into His love. Because He is perfect, Christ always loves with perfect love, judges rightly, and acts mercifully. You can humbly turn to Him for restitution and He will help you. His arm is indeed stretched out still.
Monday, February 2, 2015
What's On The Brain
1. What is the difference between love and loneliness?
2. Service is the key to happiness.
3. God prepares His people.
4. What is too much and what is not enough?
5. Where is the line between personality and personality flaws?
6. What constitutes a "friend"?
7. Sometimes the best people in the world are right under your nose.
8. You can't go wrong when you're being generous.
9. I don't have tuberculosis.
10. I have never once regretted being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)