Everlasting Beginnings

I have to be honest here. I hate goodbyes because I love people. Today I said goodbye to my institute class and it was actually really a sad moment for me. Another one of those goodbye where your heart just aches and you don't know why. In this moment I was reminded of what is quite possibly my favorite excerpt of modern scripture ever. Its from President Dieter F Uchtdorf, who is the second counselor in the Presidency of the Church. He gave a talk called "Grateful in Any Circumstance" last April. Here's what he says:

"In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.

Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.

The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.

How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings.

May we “live in thanksgiving daily”—especially during the seemingly unexplainable endings that are part of mortality. May we allow our souls to expand in thankfulness toward our merciful Heavenly Father. May we ever and constantly raise our voices and show by word and deed our gratitude to our Father in Heaven and to His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ. For this I pray, and leave you my testimony and blessing, in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ, amen."

We are eternal beings. Do you understand that? We hate endings because they are not in our nature. We are not made to say goodbye to our dearest friends and favorite teachers. We are eternal, and that means that someday when all is right, we will enter God's Kingdom again-- as a family, to go no more out. To never leave each other ever again. That's what I try to remember, when I start packing my things and cleaning out my room and saying goodbye to people who have changed my life. I try to remember that in the eternal scheme of things, we are not saying goodbye for very long. "They are merely interruptions-- temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful." Someday we will meet each other again, though it may not be in mortality. It's okay to move forward, because these ties will not disappear. "

Quote of the Day

"You're not effective if you're dead."

Think about that.

The Organization of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Yesterday my roommate got a call from a neighboring guys' apartment saying that one of our friends had been throwing up blood and they were running him to the hospital in the next town over. We sat in shock for a minute, and then we decided that a car-ful of us would hop in the car and leave for the hospital immediately. As they walked out, our home teachers walked in. They asked what was going on, and we recounted the situation. Our home teacher asked us if we had called the Bishop. We nodded that we hadn't, and he called our Bishop. The Bishop then called the Elders Quorum President, and sent him to go visit the kid in the hospital to offer a blessing for the sick. This all happened within ten minutes of the phone call.

Fortunately, we found out later that it was a prank.

Yes, we were angry. And mostly relieved.

But I learned something from this experience. Say it had been real, and he really was puking blood.  The Church provides a network of support. This information passed quickly from the injured, to the Relief Society, to the home teachers, to the Bishop, who then sent out members to administer to this guy with the power of God. Within ten minutes, we would have had three cars of people willing to help and provide support at the hospital. Inevitably, one of us would have called his parents, and the situation would have been taken care of until family members could get there. (His parents live four hours away, fun fact.) As soon as there was an emergency, there was a whole network of people prepared to take care of him. Not only that, but if he had a wife and kids, they would be taken care of as well! Instantly!

To all those who ask why I would dedicate my life to serving a year and a half for my Church, I say, thank goodness I'm a Mormon. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't a Mormon. Because I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, not only do I have a physical support network wherever I go in the world, but I also know that through the Father's Eternal Plan of Happiness, I can have peace in time of crisis. No matter what happens, I know that the Lord will provide for me-- temporally or spiritually. If you're not a Mormon, go be a Mormon! If you are a Mormon, Morm on! This Church is amazing!

A Little Up the Trail

Last night I got invited to go up to a bonfire in the hills with some friends. There were maybe thirty of us there, and I didn’t know half of them. But it was one of those beautiful sights that you hope you don’t forget because it makes you wonder about things bigger than yourself. I’m telling you, the sky was black and the stars were small, but the air was fresh. The fire was bright and hot and you could feel its warmth straight on your skin even though everyone was wearing a jacket. When the branches would shift or pop, sparks would burst out like fireflies and then slowly fade to white ash that fell in your hair like snow. The coals pulsed with the heat at the base, and there were a couple burned marshmallows that had sadly lost their way from the roasting stick. Everyone was talking but not too loud. If you looked to the west you would see the sparse lighting of Snow campus, and if you looked anywhere else you saw the black outline of mountains and trees that were only there if you were really focused. Except there was one tiny yellow light up ahead—someone else’s fire a little up the trail. The stone was cool, the heat permanent, and it was all around a beautiful scene. I just breathed in and out and looked up for a while, enjoying this half-heaven. 

Sometimes we wonder why life is so difficult. The journey is long and dotted with challenges for all of us. Sometimes the stress of it all is stifling. And then sometimes God grants us a perfect moment, just because. Life is a wondrous thing, after all is said and done, I think. It just takes a step back to see it.

Paraguay Asuncion Norte

Well everyone, the cat is out of the bag. I've been called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Paraguay Asuncion North Mission. I leave for the Argentina MTC on August 13th, 2015. And I'm freaking out.

I think the continuing theme of this blog could be summed up as, "Kaitlin freaks out about everything, but then everything works out and God's hand is manifest." Ha!!! So if I learn anything from chronologizing my life, I should say, "Wow, Kaitlin, there's no need to freak out, because you adapt eventually and always grow and learn so much and then you just fall in love with the changes and everything turns out peachy keen." I'm currently giving myself this pep talk.

Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked. This is gonna be great. I can just see myself, walking dirt streets in Paraguay in the name of my beloved Savior, Jesus Christ. I have this little mental picture of me, dealing with rain and bugs and blisters, and turning around to see incredible love, and miracles, and relationships with people that I will never forget. So half of me is crazy afraid, half of me is so excited I can't sit still, and the other half of me has no idea what to feel!

I feel suited for this mission. I have heard stories of people who felt in their heart where they were going to serve before they got called, but that wasn't me. I felt like I could really go anywhere and do anything and turn out alright. But when I read Paraguay, I knew it could be a good place for me. Considering my experience with Spanish and Latin American culture, and my family background, and my personality traits, I know I can do well in this place. It will stretch me out of my comfort zone for sure, but I will learn to love it quickly, I think. (On an interesting note, Ben's mission is only 16 hours away from mine-- literally he will be the closest person in the world to me. I really feel like this is a very intimately personal blessing from God. Man, He is such an amazing guy. It's a perfect example of the Parable of the Eggs.)

But anyhow, okay. What really happened is this. I got my call on Thursday, meaning it came to my house and sat on my kitchen counter. When my mom texted me a photo of it in the mailbox, I screamed and sang and danced all around the apartment. I couldn't sleep and couldn't think all day Friday, so as soon as possible I gathered up all my things and Tiana and Corinne and we busted a move all the way back to my hometown. Upon arriving, I looked at that envelope and danced around some more. Then, nearing seven, Tiana and Corinne showed up at my house, and my grandma and my biological dad got on Skype. Kira and Abbie were still miles away, so we waited for 12 minutes for them to come and I danced all around and couldn't stay still or think or anything. Then they finally ran in and I got the letter opener and I flipped to my letter and as soon as I looked at it, my eyes skipped down and saw that I was going to Paraguay. I finished reading it, nobody cheered or anything, and I was like, "Well, that's it." Classy, right?! Oh gosh. But my mom gave me a hug and we ate some cookies. I really couldn't think straight for the rest of the night.

I guess at the end of the day I'm just amazed by the incredible amount of support I've gotten. People are so kind, and genuinely trying to connect with me. I'm excited that I get to share this crazy experience with other people, and maybe my story will impact them for good. Having so much support is so comforting because everyone has great advice and there's no way I could do this on my own. So God is amazing.

Let me repeat: God is amazing! I feel like every single thing I've asked Him for, He has granted. I feel like God rarely says no. He mostly says, "I'm so proud of you. Keep moving forward. I am taking on this adventure with you." I feel so stuffed full of just gratitude. Gratitude for my call, gratitude for my family (My mom though, she's kickin'. I have no idea how people survive this life without my mother. She's basically the rudder to this whole mission-ship thing.), gratitude for good friends and bishops, gratitude for the guidance of the scriptures and the Holy Ghost, and an intense, fiery love for my Maker.

Oh man this blog post is getting way too long and I'm going to bore everyone. I'm sure I'll be posting mission updates and all that jazz until I leave in August, so here's to another bazillion Paraguay-themed blog posts! Ha! Another adventure awaits! GOD. IS. AWESOME. Don't forget it!

My Destiny is in an Envelope

Right now, probably on my kitchen counter, lies a white envelope. A big one. Literally and figuratively.

I can't even right now.

My brain all day has been everywhere, crazy everywhere. Just one paper holds the name of a place that will change my life forever. It will guide me to people that will change me forever. It will open up new experiences that will touch my heart. It will lead me in a path that I never could have walked otherwise.

And I could change them. That's the exciting thing. I could change them. These people, I will love them with my whole heart, and I might get to change them forever as they are changing me. Standing as a witness of Jesus Christ, I can act as His hands and bring them the truth and change their course forever. I will love them, I already love them. Christ loves them, and He can use me to bring them light and joy and peace and hope. What could possibly be more fulfilling?!

painting by Yongsung Kim

I feel like I'm standing on the beach, and I'm about to see the ocean for the first time. A few years ago my family went to California, to the beaches. My siblings and I.. we're a little landlocked. I remember seeing the ocean. I knew what to expect; I've seen the movies. But it's something new and beautiful when you see it in real life. It is so blue, so so so blue. Really, like it's really blue. And HUGE! I can't even fathom the hugeness of the ocean. I know it's big, I do, but when you see it, and it just goes on forever and ever past the horizon! Just, wow!

Here I am with one envelope that's basically my first sight of the ocean. It's awesome, beautiful, I just know it will be beautiful, and huge, and blue! But I have no concept of what this mission is really going to be like. Is that gonna stop me from exploring the depths and the surfaces and enjoy all the beauty and difficulty of the ocean in 18 month gulp?! No way!!!

Tomorrow, I'm going to see the ocean.
Luckily the Lord walks on water.